


The Winter King

by tictactotally_tif



Category: Andrew Hozier-Byrne (Musician)
Genre: Abduction, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Blow Jobs, Butt Plugs, F/M, Romance, Rough Sex, Royalty, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:49:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 44,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tictactotally_tif/pseuds/tictactotally_tif
Summary: "But he did make contact via a royal letter three months ago. It seemed he needed something.”Your sister paused, and closed her eyes. You waited. She turned her head.“He wanted you.”You scowled, waiting for the punchline. She remained silent.Quietly, you asked “And what did he want with me?”She let out a long sigh. “He asked for your hand in marriage.”-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The princess of the summer realm has been abducted by the King of the winter realm. But the more time she spends with him, the more she is starting to believe that something from her past is missing. Even scarier, she could be falling for him.
Relationships: Andrew Hozier-Byrne/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 147





	1. from the outside

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I know we all probably think Hozier is more of a fall type but to me he seems like he could do really well in the winter idk I really don't know that much about Fae but this is how I am choosing to spend my quarantine time please be kind XOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: I know we all probably think Hozier is more of a fall type but to me he seems like he could do really well in the winter idk I really don't know that much about Fae but this is how I am choosing to spend my quarantine time please be kind XOXO

The stones that flew beneath your bare feet were cold in the early hours of the morning. Granted, it was always cold, but it wasn’t often that you were rushed among corridors in your nightgown. By the light of your sister’s candlesticks, you could see that you were almost into the servant’s corridor. A night maid peeked her head out from a nearby doorway, oblivious to the scurry and scuttle that was the parade of people hauling you all over the castle. As she looked upon you with worry on her face, you could almost imagine your Mother’s scowl. Even though you could not see it, for she was behind you, you knew it was ever present when the maid quickly looked away.

A turn down another corner, a left, a right, and you could see the large door to the stables. Your father waited with the reins of a horse in his hands. Everyone stopped, and immediately a large woolen shawl and boots were given to you.

“Hurry. We’ve just got word that they were seen in Breer. It won’t be long until they reach the castle. Tenen will take you to the mountains, just before the borders where you will hide in the cabin for six days. We will not come before then. Do not exit the cabin for any reason.” You had never heard your Father speak so quickly before. It was not in his nature as King for when he spoke all had to listen. You could feel your heart beating in your chest a little faster as fear started to creep in.

You nodded as Tenen began to mount the horse. A hand pulled yours from behind and you turned to face your eldest sister, Damhnait, who had tears streaming down her face.

“Come back to us soon,” she whispered, giving your hand a squeeze. You stepped forward to embrace her, but your Mother swiftly turned your shoulders back around.

“Hug all you want when she is back and safe with us. You must hurry and go now.”

You put your foot into the stirrup and hoisted yourself behind Tenen. Glancing down, you saw your family desperately clinging to each other. You took in two deep breaths to keep from crying. Your Mother was the last to speak before you departed.

“A bien tot, ma chere Mairead.” And with a kick and a yell, you rode off into the darkness of the night.

The cool night air whipping past your face finally started to wake you up. You had been pulled from your bed a mere four minutes ago. When you saw Damhnait’s worried face barely aglow in the candlelight, you knew that he had come for you.

_Four Months Ago_

“I'm just upset, and you know that seems ridiculous but the way I'm being treated feels ridiculous! My birthday happens on the same day every year, and this year it feels like a secret affair, so hush hush. And you know Damhnait, it’s hard to not be a LITTLE upset when you only had all the realm’s fae invited for a three day celebration seven months ago!”

You were stomping around in the garden, attempting to in some way damage the daisies, but every kick seemed to only make them stand taller.

“Mairead, you’re acting childish. Did you not just turn 23?” Damhnait was perched on a garden seat pretending to read her correspondence when you knew she was really watching your performance.

“Yes. Yes! Exactly. And yet here I am, still in the castle. Did you see the look on Father’s face when I asked for a birthday holiday to the South? As if I kicked him in the gut. And now we’re not even having a celebration within the Kingdom. Have I done something wrong?” Your tone turned from angry to worried.

“Not at all! Despite your calm and gentile manner, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Your sister teased from her chair.

You turned on your heel to face her.

“Well do you know?”

“I am the oldest and the heir, of course as the most important person, I would know”

“Shut up, stop teasing. What the hell is going on?”

She shifted her eyes around the garden searching for any roaming servants. With a sigh and a huff, she led you under the bough of an oak tree. You sat beneath the branches, and she gazed up into the leaves, as if searching for a thousand better things to say.

“You shut up, and listen, and pretend I never told you a thing. There’s a row going on with the Winter Realm –“

“Oh yes, the snowmen of the winter realm - ”

“Mairead. It’s not a stupid trade embargo or another tariff. This qualm is directly with their King.”

You shut your mouth.

“Many fae have long believed that there is a curse on the King of the Winter Realm. They say that if the curse is not lifted, then the entire realm will soon die out.”

“Why do they say that?”

“There has not been a child born there in sixteen years. People in the realm are starting to panic and get worried, and it apparently all has to do with this King.”

You thought back on the times you had met this King. There had been balls thrown when your sister became of marrying age. You remembered him from a few parties. Tall and brooding, mostly watching over the party from a select seat in the corner. He was not an outsider, per se, but he seemed to choose to keep his distance.

“Mother and Father do not know him well?”

“No, from my coronation studies it seems the realm keeps to themselves mostly. But he did make contact via a royal letter three months ago. It seemed he needed something.”

Your sister paused, and closed her eyes. You waited. She turned her head to you.

“He wanted you.”

You scowled at her, waiting for the punchline. She remained silent.

Quietly, you asked “And what did he want with mr?”

She let out a long sigh. “He asked for your hand in marriage.”

You were outright shocked. It seemed that even though you were not the heir to the throne, as a royal princess it should be at least maybe perhaps mentioned that there was an interested suitor.

“Nobody ever told me!”

“Mother and Father would never allow it,” she answered in a bored tone.

It was true; marriages between realms were seldom allowed. There was nothing stopping any fae from marrying someone from the winter realm, but they were a culture incredibly different from your own. A marriage to somebody of the winter fae would only indicate that there was something about you that was too undesirable to be wanted by your own.

You let out a big sigh, “Okay, so is he going to invade because Mother and Father denied his request?”

Damhnait twirled a piece of her golden hair in her fingers. “Nobody’s quite sure. Relations have been good for so long, who knows what conflict with the winter fae means.”

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach. The thought that fae would perish or suffer because of an unanswered marriage proposal did not sit well with you. You wracked through your brain, trying to go over every limited interaction you had had with this King. Had you encouraged him? Did you bring this upon yourself?

“Mairead, there’s nothing you could have done to provoke this. To say it took Mother and Father completely unawares would be an understatement. But we all love you, and we won’t let any cold old brute steal you away to a frozen wasteland.” She gave you a warm smile, and then gracefully pulled herself up.

She turned around and offered you her hand to join her. You accepted and rose to stand beside her. In her most serious and mocking tone, she said to you: “I promise as the future Queen of the Summer Realm, King Hozier will not lay a hand on you.”

The sound of a horse neighing shook you out of your reverie. You realized that Tenen had abruptly stopped your escape. You looked around but couldn’t see anything, there was nothing blocking the path that shone in the moonlight.

“Tenen?” you asked. He shushed you in response. Suddenly, you noticed that there was a fog creeping over the ground. Yet it didn’t linger like fog. As you watched it pass over the grass and wildflowers, you realized it was more like a frost. You felt the air grow cold but that wasn’t the cause of the goosebumps all over your body.

Tenen steered the horse back the way you had come, but there was frost and frozen ground behind you. It didn’t look like ice, but surely you couldn’t run very fast on the slick. Your head darted around, trying to see if there was any being nearby but you could see nothing.

You could hear the sound of your laboured breathing in your ear. “Tenen? Please what are we to do?” you asked worriedly.

“I think that when you get down off of that horse, your highness, Tenen will be free to return to the castle,” said a voice from behind you.

You craned your neck behind you once more. There were three horses, and three men. The tallest in the group was closest to you.

“Who are you?” you called out. You attempted to take the reins from Tenen’s hands to turn around and face the assailants, but you noticed his hands were like ice, frozen solid.

“Tenen!” you cried out. “What is wrong, are you okay?” You ran your hands over his shoulders, every part of him was cold, tense and unmoving.

“He will be fine as soon as you remove yourself from that mare and come to me.”

There was that voice again. With a huff you threw yourself down from the horse and stomped in front of the beautiful, black Clydesdale he was riding.

“Good evening gentlemen, I am off the horse now. Would you like to explain yourself and explain what is wrong with Tenen?” you could feel the adrenaline coursing through your body. With all the indignance and bravery you could muster, you looked up into the eyes of the rider, knowing full well you were staring at King Hozier.

He gave a low chuckle, before saying in a soft voice, “Good evening Mairead, nice to see you again.”

Something about his tone and the look in his eyes made your pulse jump. You had never remembered him as a cruel man, and even now, the delicate tone of his voice was almost enough to calm you. But then you remembered your half frozen friend and the scowl returned to your face.

“I assume you’ve come for me?”

He smiled, almost like he was laughing at you, while giving his head a slow nod, “That is correct.”

“And whatever you’ve done to Tenen is your way of ensuring cooperation?”

Again he nodded, almost looking amused by your interrogation.

It then occurred to you that it was a very stupid thing to get down off of your horse. In the moment adrenaline had clouded your judgement, but now you realized that had you still been on that horse, you could attempt to ride it away. As you turned to size up the distance between where you stood and where your horse was, you heard a soft thud. Looking back, you saw King Hozier looming over you. He looked massive atop his horse, and he was still massive on his own two feet. You had to crane your neck to meet his gaze, he was a full two heads taller than you. His brown hair dangled just short of his neck, and from the looks of his two day stubble on his cheeks and chin, he had been riding a long time.

He drew in a deep breath and smiled at you, “Please get on my horse, Mairead.”

You scoffed, “Don’t think so”

It was now or never. You pushed off with your foot to quickly run back, but one of his long arms darted out and hooked around your waist.

“Come on,” he drawled out with a huff and a groan, and effortlessly hoisted you onto his hose. As you clamoured for purchase, he swung himself up right behind you. You were off, racing down the road in the direction you were supposed to be travelling with Tenen.

“Tenen!” you cried, and turned around, trying to see if he was alright. King Hozier muttered some words under his breath that you didn’t understand.

“He will be alright in a few minutes time,” he said into your ear.

You were relieved for a moment, before you realized you were on the Winter King’s horse, heading exactly into the unpredictable situation your parents had tried so desperately to avoid. The wind whipped past your face and you could hear it in your ears. To nobody in particular, you asked, “Will I be?”


	2. crawl home

Daylight was breaking over the large expanse of trees that seemed to stretch out forever. You hadn’t been riding for long, but it felt like hours. King Hozier had not said a word since your abduction and with the howling wind in your ears you weren’t sure you could hear if he tried. The wind was much colder than you had felt riding with Tenen, and you wondered if this had anything to do with the King’s power witnessed earlier.

You knew you were travelling north and you could only imagine his plan was to take you back to the Winter Realm. Your mind starting turning at the possibilities of what could wait for you there. If your sister’s assumptions were true, then you were part of some curse lifting scheme. Did he even really want you as his bride, or was your role to play merely sacrificial? Your stomach sank as you realized that although you had met this man in the courts for countless dinners [& diatribes] before, you had no idea what his true intentions were.

The horses suddenly veered off track into the trees. Their speed did not stop at all. You gripped the mane of the horse and you felt King Hozier’s arm, which had been loosely draped over your midriff, tighten.

“We’ll need the cover of trees during the day until we reach my Realm,” he spoke into your ear. This time you felt a small tingle radiate from your ear and down your neck. He was close enough that one jolt of the horse and you would feel his stubble scrape your cheek.

“How long until we reach the Winter Realm?” you asked aloud.

You waited for an answer, but none came. He continued on at the same blistering pace through the trees until suddenly you noticed the King gesturing for his other riders to slow. You glanced up at him and saw that his mouth was set in a tight line, and his eyes seemed to be calculating. You looked through the trees, but could see nothing. The King stopped the horse, and you were waiting. You wanted to ask what was going on, but then you heard the faint, barely there sound of hooves in the distance and you knew you were not alone. The sound registered in your chest and you gasped. In your split second decision to scream you immediately felt a hand clamp over your mouth.

“RGHGH!!” you thrashed and twisted, trying to loosen yourself to a point where you could yell.

“Hush,” he curtly ordered. You felt your heart hammering in your chest, adrenaline coursing through your veins at your one chance to escape. You tried to pull the hand that was around your mouth off, when you heard him mumble incoherent words again.

Suddenly the air grew cold. It was colder than cold, it hurt when you breathed in and it felt like it did nothing to quench your lungs. You started gasping and wheezing, trying to get a breath in that didn’t sting and leave you more breathless. He removed his hand and you slunk forward, gripping the mane of the horse as you tried to steady your breathing. You shuddered and leaned back against him, and you saw him signal his riders and they took off in another direction. He continued on the same path. You tilted your head to look up at the King, you knew this was his doing somehow. He glanced down, and then the air returned to the warm air of your Summer Realm.

You could breathe again and your lungs sang. You gasped and gulped down air in sweet relief. When your breathing had returned to normal, you were left with a strange buzzing feeling. On edge, one part of you wanted to begin a quarrel, but the other part of you was questioning if you had seen the full or partial powers of the King.

He didn’t speak again until sometime later when he stopped the horse. He dismounted and began unpacking from the side bag.

“We’ll rest here for a bit, and then head out again at nightfall,” he didn’t look up but continued to unpack. You didn’t make any move to get off.

“How long until we reach the Winter Realm?” you asked again.

“Are you excited to see my kingdom?” He said, and you could practically hear the smile in his voice. “You’ve never been, if memory serves me right. Only your sister was allowed to attend on royal visits? I hope you should come to like it.”

You were shocked at his casual tone. He spoke as if you were going on a vacation.

You changed tactics, “Is this worth causing a war between our two kingdoms?” The volume of your voice was escalating.

“This will not cause a war,” he responded swiftly.

Your mouth dropped in shock. “You think that my parents will be pleased that you have taken me against my will?”

“No, but it will not cause a war between our two kingdoms.”

“And how can you be so sure?”

He finally stopped what he was doing and walked over to stand in front of you. He leaned in and placed his hands on your hips, before huffing out a long sigh.

“The Winter Realm is harsh, it is not an easy land to inhabit. The people who live there are strong and stubborn just like their habitat. We are a warrior people by nature. I highly doubt your parents will send armies into my land, because you don’t have any, and surely none that could conquer the might and strength of the winter warriors.”

He punctuated his point by lifting you off the horse and placing you on the ground.

You shoved him by his chest. “I am glad to hear that it will be so easy to uproot and ruin my life. I can’t believe your arrogance. You may be a proclaimed mighty kingdom, but you know _nothing_ of respect, tradition or kindness. I will not be glad to visit your kingdom, and while I would never wish a war, I do hope you suffer consequences for your actions of contempt.”

He paused, collecting his thoughts. When he spoke it was soft and contemplative.

“You are right, I have committed a serious act against yourself and your kingdom. But I do not wish any harm on yourself, any more than I have already caused. You have no reason to trust me, but I hope my actions going forward will convince you that I would not have resorted to these measures under normal circumstances.”

His candidness took you by surprise. You observed his face, meek, staring at the ground. You nodded, “I am not able forgive you, but, I …thank you.”

He looked up from the ground, locking eyes and holding your gaze. You felt slightly unnerved at the way he was looking at you. Shifting on to one foot, you changed the subject.

“So, what do you need me for exactly?”

A look of sadness flashed briefly upon his face. “I think its best we set up camp and rest. I am quite tired,” he sidestepped around you and continued his camp set up.

Sensing that he had revealed more than he wanted to, you questioned “And what is to stop me from running into the woods, or taking off with your horse?”

He stopped in his tracks, and you observed the mist that suddenly spread from the soles of his feet.

“I think you are aware,” he replied morosely without looking at you.

That answered your question about his powers. Certain fae had gifts bestowed on them, and it was said they would yield certain abilities. It appeared that King Hozier was truly a winter King, who could command the elements.

You couldn’t stomach to eat anything. Something about breaking bread with this man, had you slightly put off. He began to lay down blankets, intent on his plans to slumber. You watched under the bough of a nearby tree as he settled.

“Come here,” he called out to you. You froze.

“What?”

“Come here,” he said with an annoyed tone. You walked in front of where he lay.

“What?” you replied with a tone that matched his.

“We are resting now. Lay here,” he gestured beside him.

You scoffed, “I think not, I am a crown Princess.”

“I think so, I am the crown,” he growled back.

Your steely gaze held his. “If you wish to tie me to a tree while you slumber, please go ahead.”

“I know you’re smart enough to get out of it. No, lay beside me. I am not as much of a heathen as you think I am. This request is out of necessity and not sexual intention.”

“And what will you do if I don’t?” you questioned.

“Civility met with stubbornness, just remember that,” he stood up to meet you, and pulled your legs out from under you until you were cradled in his arms.

You felt your pulse race at such close contact. He knelt down, and placed you on the spot next to his. You immediately turned to face away from him. He laid beside you, and you tensed, waiting for an advance. It did not come. You breathed in and out, relaxing and trying to maintain a sense of calm. This wasn’t such a bad problem, your adrenaline was coursing through your body and you surely wouldn’t fall asleep. When he had descended into slumber, you could inch by inch creep towards safety. It was then you felt a slight tug on your scalp.

Turning your head, you saw that the king had woven his hand around the end of your sand coloured hair. You gazed up to find his gaze on you “Mm, and that answers that question..goodnight”.

You felt another wave of adrenaline rush over your body. You never took him for an idiot but were your plans so transparent? You let out a long sigh. Suddenly the realization creeped in that your plans for escape, your parents’ plans for rescue.. might not occur until long after you had reached the winter realm. What you had been considering as a short-term endeavour could prove to be a longer affair. So many emotions and possible outcomes were racing through your head. But the one thought you kept coming back to was that you were stuck, for the foreseeable future with a total stranger; whose intentions could be to marry you, or possibly worse. Your naïve sense of bravery seemed to dissipate from your body into the underbrush beneath you. You had no idea what to do and for the first time you were truly scared.


	3. wasteland, baby

You hardly slept during the ‘rest period’. You could tell by the breathing of the King that he, for the most part, was sleeping soundly. Every time you tested the waters, slowly moving away to see if his hold had gone slack, there was a tight yank on your hair. Every pull resulted in your head being pulled closer and closer to his chest until you were inevitably half laying on him. Around dusk, the gentle rhythm of his breathing was enough to send you to sleep, but only until you were shook awake and told it was time to move.

You didn’t protest as he mounted the horse behind you and secured an arm around your waist. You felt drained mentally and physically, your body was telling you sleep and your brain was screaming at you to figure out a way out of this. It was hopeless, you felt like you could cry, scream or throw-up. Dealing with the full weight of this situation was exhausting. The rhythm of hooves on the ground was a soft melody as you drifted off.

Eventually your neck felt too stiff and you resolved yourself to wake up. Sunrise was on the horizon but you were still moving.

“Feeling better?” He rumbled from behind you. You stayed silent for a moment, then responded “Why are we still riding? And where are your guards?”

With a humph he responded “You’re about to see.”

You rubbed at your eyes to try to get a better look at the landscape which was quickly rushing past you. It wasn’t the lush summer realm lands you were used to, but then again you had never really been that far out of the castle. The trees, shrubs and flowers all looked a little..dry and the blooms looked less than full.

The scenery continued to degrade the further north he rode. Behind you, the King began to shift and move, he was anticipating something. You felt your pulse speed up in response, the anxiety was starting to creep up on you. What were you riding in to?

All of a sudden you knew and you were shaken to your core. In a split second the scenery changed from the beautiful summer realm to the harsh and cold winter realm. Frozen land was swirling before you in a flurry of white snow and blistering winds. You had never seen snow, but you knew it when you saw it. You felt like your brain was short-circuiting. Not only were you miles from home, you were in unknown territory – literally!

The King slowed his riding speed. He took in a long, deep breath.

“Welcome home, highness.” His words made your skin prickle. He let out a joyous whoop. Hearing his happy call flipped a switch and sent a wave of anger through your body. You grabbed the hand around your waist and flung it off of you, and in the same moment you slid off the side of the horse and took off running back to your home land.

The element of surprise was on your side, giving you a moment’s head start, until you heard the quick slam of feet behind you. In an instant you had a plan, albeit not a good one, in your head. You ran faster and faster and listened as the steps behind you got closer and closer. When you were sure he was about to grab you, you crouched while sliding your one foot out in front of you. Pivoting on that same foot you took off again in the direction of the horse, narrowly missing being grabbed. You heard sputtering and thrashing behind you and your heart leapt in your chest as you knew you had bought yourself a few seconds. You were close, oh so close to riding off and away back to your freedom when you suddenly found yourself running on frozen and slippery ground. Your legs flew from under you and you came down with a loud thud. You tried and failed twice to get up quickly and continue your escape when you found yourself staring at a pair of heavy and worn in boots.

You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze. “Are you alright?” He asked and you looked up to see a hand outstretched towards you. You were completely shocked at his kindness. You took his hand as he helped you up. “What happened?” you asked.

“That’s called ice. It’s frozen water on the ground and it’s slippery.”

“Oh.” you responded dumbly.

“Are you hurt?” He asked again, his arms crossing his chest as he assessed you.

You shook your head.

“Well you will be wishing you had not attempted such a foolish escape tomorrow, when your body reminds you of your actions with every step. Do you need my help up?”

You looked at the horse and sighed. You could make it, you were just so depressed at your failed escape attempt and the idea of finishing the journey. He took your silence as a no and hoisted you back onto the horse. Your hips ached at the feeling again - you had been riding non-stop.

“How much longer must we ride for?” you asked quietly. To your surprise, he answered quickly.

“We will be at Deigh before night fall tomorrow, as long as there are no more unpleasant interruptions on your end.”

You didn’t respond to his comment.

“I have to tell you I much preferred when you were asleep on my chest.”

“I was asleep on the horse,” you immediately rebutted.

He chuckled, “You have such a sweet look on your face when you’re asleep. Nothing to match the scowl I normally receive.”

You again had nothing to say. This man had reduced you to nothing but forced silence.

Deigh. You had read about it in books, heard it mentioned in the halls at home. A palace that is more ice than it is stone, days that barely see the sun, and a people as harsh and unforgiving as the landscape. You had only ever met a few winter realm dignitaries, but what you remembered of them was more what you saw than what they said. They were not a people of many words; so different from the charming, warm and entertaining manner of the summer fae.

Were you to be killed at Deigh? The thought came, left and came back in an instant. It was unsettling, but a possibility. Your sister had told you he had asked for your hand in marriage, but that could have easily been a ploy. What you could not figure out, in any way, was what your realm could have done to provoke this. If you were to die, why? You sighed, truly at his mercy now.

“We’ll rest in a little while more. I know you’re sore.”

“Where are your guards?” you responded, annoyed and drained.

“I need no protection on my own lands. Few would dare interfere,” he boasted.

“My history book tells me that wasn’t always the case,” you fired back.

The arm around your waist tightened.

“You are referring to the Great Battle of Fyrn?”

“Yes. In which the winter uprising that threatened to eliminate my entire kingdom was brutally beaten down by the magic of summer fae warriors,”

“This battle took place long before you were born, but I can see the summer fae propaganda is still running rampant.” He spat back.

“It’s not propaganda. Your kingdom lost, the winter realm was thwarted. You’re just lucky my parents had the kindness and decency in their hearts to forgive such a terrible deed when you ascended to the throne.”

He said nothing, and you thought a bit longer, “How old are you, anyways?”

He laughed. “Much older than you,”

He didn’t look much older than you. You were young by fae standards, merely 23 years whereas your parents had close to two centuries between them. Your father was 68 himself when he finally took to the throne, but this King looked much younger than your father must have been. His hair still had all its colour from what you could tell. It was a deep brown, but in certain sunlight almost looked coppery. It hung at a length that almost touched his shoulders, and the vibrancy of its short nature gave him a certain youthfulness. But then again, the dark beard that covered most of his face did age him a bit. You tilted your head up just a bit, to try to catch another glance that might reveal his age to you.

He caught you looking and met your gaze with a smug look, “Are you going to guess?”

You felt your cheeks heat up and quickly turned your gaze towards the road again.

He continued on, “It shouldn’t surprise me at this point, but I find myself offended that the summer realm, so full of themselves, know nothing about any of their surrounding neighbours.”

Immediately you fired back the famous phrase of your Father, the phrase that had been repeated over and over to you your entire life: “Lions don’t need to concern themselves with the likes of sheep.”

You felt him stiffen behind you.

“Does the summer realm consider themselves to be a kingdom of lions? Is that why I was able to slip in, undetected, and steal their sweet princess as easy as a siren steals hearts?” He hissed into your ear and you turned to face away from him.

He had a point, and you had been wrestling with this thought yourself. How had he come in so easily? How had he slipped back out undetected? Your Father always spoke of mighty summer fae armies, guarding the kingdom using the magic the ancestors had blessed as a gift – but you had seen no sign of it during your abduction.

He veered off the main path onto what may have not been a path at all. You could barely see what was ahead with the constant flurry of snow, but then you saw the outline of what looked to be a cave. He dismounted as he began to set up camp once again.

“What’s going to become of me when we reach Deigh?” you tried to keep your tone steady, but the uncertainty you felt came through.

“Is the mighty summer realm lion asking the opinion of a mere sheeply winter king?” He responded, not looking back at you as he continued to unpack the sacs.

You paused, and took a step directly into his line of sight. “Yes, yes I am.”

“Well lucky for you we will be there soon and you will see for yourself.”

He glanced up to gauge your reaction, and you could see him trying to determine if you were pacified.

“..Are you going to hurt me?”

He laughed. “How could I, a _lowly winter king_ hurt that of the mighty summer realm princess?”

His voice dripped with sarcasm, and you realized that any chance of getting real information was gone.

You sighed. “Trying to engage in conversation with you is pointless. I understand I have offended, and I do apologize. But please, please tell me what part in all of this I am meant to play? I barely know you - so what could I have done to warrant this type of treatment? No matter what you say or how you act, I have no control here. This is your game, this is something you’ve started – could you not show some compassion!?” You finish your long string of ramblings and brace yourself to meet his gaze. You felt a surge of your old self come back, a little bit of fight entered you once again.

“You don’t think I’m being kind?” He replied.

“I think you’re making a mockery of me, even right now.”

He sighed, and paced back and forth a minute before approaching you. He took both of your hands in his.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me Mairead. Being around you so much has got me thinking and feeling like it is old times. But it is not for you and I should remember that.”

Another apology after one of your outbursts. Not the reaction you were expecting – again. Perhaps influenced by the completely mystified and puzzled look on your face, he continued. “It’s time to rest. Come now, and lay with me.”

Your mouth dropped. Something in your lower belly tingled at his use of words, but bafflement quickly replaced it.

“I-I will certainly not! How highly inappropriate.” You became hyper aware that his hands were still holding yours and immediately let them drop. You assumed he would move away, but he did not.

He smiled, a slow smile, and you heard him chuckle. His eyes hadn’t left yours the entire time. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Mairead, but we are not in the summer realm anymore. Temperatures will get even colder as the night falls, and since you are still in your nightgown,” you glanced down at the thin, yellow fabric barely separating our bodies, “I suggest you lay with me under my furs. Or else I am certain you will freeze.”

His voice was low, calm and suggestive. The fact of the matter was, you had slept beside him before, yet somehow tonight it felt different. Being asked to lay with him.. that was completely different. You felt him brush some of your hair back. Removing his hands, he turned his palm to face you and showed you the bit of snow resting there.

He smiled, and slowly said “See? You’re already turning into a snowflake.”

There was a look in his eye that you didn’t quite recognize. This was the longest he had held your gaze, and for once you didn’t feel as if his attention was elsewhere. Even though you didn’t really have any choice, you still felt like you could trust him.

You mutely nodded, and was surprised when he took your hand is his and led you to where he had set up his place to rest. He started to remove the many layers he wore on his chest, and you immediately felt your cheeks redden. You couldn’t recall him doing this in the meadow the other day? He continued until his chest was bare. Once he was comfortable he turned to face you.

You could feel your feet beginning to freeze and the wind that rushed by your arms was most unpleasant. You approached, took off your boots, and crouched beside him.

“Well?” He said softly. You opened your mouth but couldn’t form words. You weren’t sure what to do, what was expected.

Exhaling he reached out and pulled you on top of him. You were lying on the warm and exposed expanse of his chest and could feel your heart pounding. With the furs pulled on top and a hushed goodnight, his eyes fell and there was nothing left to do but sleep. You tried to control your ragged pulse, breathing in and out, but you were distracted by his heady scent. He smelled like a winter campfire, musky yet warm.

Your palm was lying flat on his chest and experimentally you pressed down. The muscle underneath was hard and firm. His whole chest was for the most part, quite uncomfortable as he felt solid as a rock. Seeing that he was completely and fully asleep, you let out a deep breath. You were finally starting to feel comfortable enough to tuck your head into his shoulder. Your movement spurred his hand, which came to land on the back of your head and thread your hair. Feeling the gentle tug on your scalp, you succumbed very quickly to sleep.


	4. things that have passed

The way the sun glittered and sparkled against the snow and ice was almost beautiful. You would still prefer to be among the trees and green grass of your home, castle Fallow, but for now you were content. You had been travelling for a while, mostly in silence. You knew you were getting closer to Deigh as the snow covered trails had turned to trodden stone pathways.

You were as sore as the King predicted you would be. Every jolt and jostle of the saddle reminded you of your failure. He hadn’t said much to you all day, and you were content for the silence. Riding in the winter realm was a lot quieter than at home. No birds were chirping, no cicadas, no squirrels running to and fro. The silence was interrupted by the sound of metal clanging.

Looking up, you saw a massive wall ahead. Long, winding roads lead all up the side of hills and villages. High, high up rested the fortress-like castle. Not as pretty as that of the summer realm, of your home. This structure was built for purpose and not for show. You felt your stomach sink. Once inside this massive fortress there was no escape and you had no plan.

The King was calling out to the guards in front of the iron gate on the wall. As you approached, he leapt off the horse and embraced the man.

“King Hozier! I was so pleased to hear of your return and successful mission!” The man approached him joyfully, and gave him a gentle slap on the back.

“Doyle! It should have been you alongside me. How I missed your commentary during the thick of it, always keeping me entertained..”

“Ah har, if only Everie had allowed it. I’m still healing from the last one, she tells me.”

“My fault entirely on that one.. I should have been watching out for you. We all know how the slinky summer realm will fight when it comes down to it.”

They nodded in agreement shaking their heads, and then, remembering your presence, turned and looked towards you.

There was an awkward silence and in it you found your footing once more.

“It seems that the King’s taste in women, or more accurately abduction, would be slinky summer fae,” you responded and you crossed your arms around yourself.

The guard let out a thunderous laugh, “Oh don’t we know it! And those sharp of tongue it would seem.”

You were taken aback, his response was friendly when you had expected hostility. You had no response. The King sigh, patted him on the back and said “Catch up with you later, good friend, after I ..” and he gestured towards you.

You started to make your way up to the fortress together and your arrival was getting mixed reviews. If villagers saw you first, you were met with great distaste, a smile as they saw the King, and then confused at the two of you together. If they saw the King first, then it was happy, angry, confused. It was clear that they had just as much of an idea as you did what the King’s intentions were. Still, by the end of the less than pleasant ride you wanted nothing more than to hide.

Finally up the winding roads, through the small village settlements were the gates of the castle. It was much larger than you had imagined and most of the stone was frozen over. Huge icicles hung from the turrets and off the windowsills all around the castle, perching high and low were guards. You felt your stomach sink - once you were inside the chances of you escaping on your own were practically non-existent.

At the gate of the castle you dismounted as the horse was taken to the stables. With a sigh the King looked down at you. He was debating how to proceed, you could tell. Debating between presenting you as a prisoner or, in a more respectful fashion to you, presenting you as a royal guest.

Before he could address you, you quietly spoke, “I will co-operate. I don’t wish to make a fool of myself in front of your court.”

He gave a curt nod, and proceeded in. You followed, a step behind, as you took in the marvel of this castle. Unlike the main chamber of your home this chamber was devoid of flowers, people, light. Instead, there were stone fireplaces, lamps, rugs and heavy maroon curtains. It was unfamiliar but not unhappy. It had a certain warmth which was a juxtaposition to the cold landscape.

“Sire! It is so good to see your face, I was so worried.”

An older woman approached, she was dressed in beautiful gold and maroon robes and her dark hair was twisted up in a pretty fashion. Her face was so kind and surprisingly her smile did not disappear when she saw you.

“Mrs. Girea, this is a most pleasant welcome,” he replied as he kissed her cheek and gestured to the lit fires all around.

“And Lady Mairead! How are you, the journey not too unpleasant I hope?”

You could feel your brows knit together. Slowly, you curtseyed and then nodded.

“Erm, this is Madam Girea. She looks over the castle and the entire estate, and does such a fabulous job..”

He drifted off in speech, and very unsurely you replied,

“Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Her hand rose to cover her mouth.

“O-oh.. yes. Right. Well, you must be very tired. I will leave you to retire to your room, I just had it prepared and water sent up for a bath.”

You felt a hand at the base of your spine as the King guided you to the main staircase. You were confused by that interaction, but you were not even sure what specifically you were confused about. At the top of the staircase was a set of hallways each decorated with deep red rugs, and candlesticks here and there for light. The path he took you down was winding, but eventually he reached the end of one hallway.

The King pushed open the door and you stepped into what must be the royal chambers. The deep red theme continued in the rugs, curtains and tapestries. A large canopy bed was the focal piece of the room - plush, warm and welcoming. There was a dressing table, a large tub and soft chaises as well. You walked around the room, sizing up what could very well become your cell for and unknown period of time. He cleared his throat and you turned to him.

“The bath has been made.. and you’ll find clothing in the wardrobe over there.”

You didn’t reply. He waited a beat, before nodding and closing the door. You felt yourself let out a deep breath. You immediately went over to the curtains and opened them. Peering out the windows you could see that you were high up, much too high for jumping. Turning back to the door, you found it locked. You ran your hands through your hair which felt less than pleasant. You decided to yield to the idea of a bath. You had been in your night robes for days now and they were thoroughly soiled and ruined.

Seated in the bath, after thoroughly scrubbing and cleansing every inch, you felt a small piece of yourself return and you felt slightly more comfortable. So far, the King had not tried to kill you. And for now you were not being kept in the dungeon. If you tried hard enough you could probably pretend you were here on a royal visit, on important business for your sister.

There was a knock on the door, you tensed.

“M’lady? Are you ready for your robes?”

You let out a sigh. “A moment please,” and exiting from the tub you wrapped the dressing robe around yourself. The air was cool as you moved to find something suitable from the wardrobe. Inside were plush dresses of maroon, emerald, gold and soft browns. You grabbed the dress of emerald, for you had had enough of the reds for today. Draping the dress over the back of the chair, you stood in front of the mirror and called out to enter.

The maid who was helping you dress was kind and did not rush you. Dresses in winter realm fashion were quite different from the summer realm as there were many layers. As she was lacing the corset piece, you started to wonder whom these dresses belonged to. They seemed to fit you almost perfectly. Had the King had a wife previously? You couldn’t recall.

When she had finished, she bowed, and exiting said “I will let the Master know you are ready.”

Your heart started to beat again in your chest. Your brief moment of calm had passed and you were back on edge. You paced for a few minutes but the King had still not returned and your adrenaline passed. You sat upon the chaise staring out at the window.

The door closed and you turned your head to meet the sound. The King too had changed and his bare chest and fur vest was replaced with a soft yet regal looking grey shirt. Catching sight of you, he cleared his throat.

“Green is.. a very suitable colour on you Mairead.”

Your breath caught in your throat at his compliment, and you immediately pushed the feeling down.

“Okay..” you waited for him to speak. He did not.

He crossed the room to sit on the edge of the canopy bed opposite you. You watched him as he stared out into the empty space before him.

“I thought this would be easier once I had you here..” His head was in his hands, his voice was so low you wasn’t even sure he was truly speaking to you. He looked so sad.

You felt a warmth bloom in your chest looking at him. It was a feeling you didn’t recognize. Gone was the brave and sarcastic King you had seen outside the castle. This King looked weathered and worried.

“What would be easier? What have you been planning to do to me?” you asked, your voice escalating.

Quickly he looked at you, “Nothing I – erm, I did not plan much past this point. I don’t know what to do now, truthfully.” His voice had dropped to a low whisper.

“Why did you take me, King Hozier?” you asked slowly, the question that had been hanging above your heads for days now. He didn’t respond. You wondered if you could not perhaps take advantage of him in his current distraught state.

Standing, you moved in front of him and knelt before him. You took his hands in yours.

“I understand, sometimes.. ideas seem better in conception than when they actually unfold. You haven’t done anything to me that I am sorely scarred forever by, and I’m sure with kind words from myself my Father would forgive just about anything. But to be able to help you I need to know why. Why did you take me?”

His eyes finally met yours, and he circled his thumbs on the inside of your wrists. Exhaling through his nose, he replied “Because you asked me to, Mairead. I promised I would come for you.”

Your heart stopped in your chest for a moment. You could not comprehend what he had just said. You shook your head. Had their King potentially lost his mind? Was he trying to trick you? Had someone put magic upon him?

“I know it’s confusing, and I knew if you told you, well why would you believe me? I’ve suspected magic for some time now.. I just thought when you were here, when you saw everything.. well that you would remember.”

Your highly erratic reply came quickly, “Remember _what_?”

He shook his head, and you could see the tears in his eyes. You were more scared now than you had been this entire trip. The room started to grow cold, and you could see frost forming on the windows.

You stood up, and backed away from him. You turned around, searching for an escape. You pulled at the handle on the door again but it was still locked. You could hear and feel your heart pounding in your chest. You tried pulling the door open again and again.

“Argh!” you spun around quickly to face him.

“Are you actually suggesting, are you, trying to tell me _that I’ve been here before_?!” you screeched in his direction.

He solemnly nodded. You didn’t know what was worse, the idea that he was crazed or that you had memories you couldn’t recall.

In a moment your anger was gone. It was such an insane idea, you couldn’t accept it long enough to be truly angry about it. He was mistaken, and you were growing tired.

“You’re mad, return me to Fallow.”

He stood up and approached you, his voice was hoarse “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” He started to push a piece of your hair back but you batted his hand away.

“Why?” you demanded.

He sighed, and said nothing as he left the room. You heard the click of a key and knew you were locked in again. Some of the warmth seemed to return then, and you ran your hands up and down your arms. You tried to slow your breathing, and focused of the feeling of your feet on the solid ground.

Your brain felt broken, and a wave of emotions suddenly overcame you. You moved to sit at the dressing table, and as you put your head in your hands began to cry. You hadn’t cried since the moment you had been taken, and the emotions you had been suppressing caught up to you.

You cried and cried until the sleeves of your dress were damp. You wished you had your sister beside you, or could talk to your Mother. You longed for something familiar like your own room and bed. You prayed for a moment of clarity, for a piece of truth to be revealed that would somehow make sense of all of this. But you were alone at the dressing table.

This felt like a worse situation than ones you had previously imagined. So far, he seemed intent not to harm you and that was a relief knowing that you were not taken to become some sacrifice. But the King was convinced you were someone else and who knew what he might do if you kept insisting you didn’t know? You wiped the tears off your face and an idea came to you then. As long as the King believed you were who he thought you were, you would be safe. You were about to enter the biggest game of pretend in your life, and once you had gained his trust and fooled him enough, he might let his guard down enough for you to devise an escape.

You heard yourself laugh. You looked up into the mirror, your face was red and blotchy but you couldn’t have felt better. But who was the Mairead he knew? A friend, a lover? You scanned the dressing table before you. You found a brush that had the dark hairs of the King, but also intertwined were long, golden hairs. You made the educated guess that you were in his room, and the woman he was missing had been his lover.

You groaned. You had never even had a courtship before, you had no idea what to do. But as you heard the key to the door click again, you began to imagine the words that might lead a grown man to his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you all for the kind words so far :)


	5. pretend to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops.

The King had returned. Taking in your disheveled state he asked “Mairead? Is everything alright?”

In a moment the King was before you on his knees, scanning for the source of your unhappiness as his eyes darted around the room. You weren’t sure what to say, so instead you wrapped your arms around him and buried his face in your chest.

“Better now that you’re here,” you said as you took a deep breath. It wasn’t a total lie, his scent was calming you a bit.

He was shocked and immediately leapt to his feet and began to pace. You followed him, and he turned to you bewildered before gathering you in his arms.

“I-I don’t understand,” he said as he began to stroke and kiss your hair.

You pulled back to meet his eyes. You didn’t understand it either, but you had to pretend that you did. “I can almost see it.. it’s like a dream. Like I’m watching my memories but didn’t experience them. I’ve tried to ignore them, until now I wasn’t sure what they were, who the girl in my visions was. But yet, I know it’s me.”

He smiled, and then disbelief crossed his face. “What brought it all back?”

You had no answer. Not a single believable lie came in your head. His eyes didn’t leave yours, and if you broke his trust now there was no recovering. So you grabbed the back of his head, and brought his lips crashing onto yours.

His lips were soft and warm, and you immediately opened your mouth to his. Your frantic ministrations were calmed by his slow kissing, and you soon found and followed his lead. You felt warm all over. You had no idea that kissing him would feel this good, but you could not deny the tingling sensations coursing through your body. Experimentally, you pushed your hips forward just a bit. You weren’t sure why, but you felt the need to roll your hips into something.

He groaned and his hands were on you and running up and down your sides. You wound your hands around his neck, and pressed up upon your toes for better leverage. He wrapped his hands in your hair and pulled you back with a growl.

“Is this really you? Promise to be true to me?” He held your head, and looked into your eyes, searching.

Slipping the short sleeves of your dress off your shoulders as an answer you replied, “Yes, yours.”

The way he looked at you set off a heat in the pit of your stomach that bloomed and made a strange tingling run up your legs. He let out a long sigh and you felt the hands on your hips squeezing, as if planning his next move

His mouth was on yours again and he tenderly kissed his way from the corner of your mouth down the side of your neck. The feeling of his lips on such a sensitive area sent chills down your spine. You tilted your head a bit, yielding to his actions and he gave your neck a nip in reply. His hands moved up your stomach to rest on the outside of your breasts. You found yourself almost to the point of shaking in anticipation.

He moved his thumbs in circular motions around your nipples. The first time he ran his thumbs over them you felt electricity, a feeling so intense it almost hurt and you heard yourself whimper. He returned to circling, toying and teasing with you. You pushed your hips into him, trying to give him a sign to do it again.

“To hear you respond to me is such pleasure,” he said as he started to nip and bite your neck. It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would, and you liked the possessive act. Your breathing became laboured and you could feel a heat starting between your thighs.

He returned to sucking and kissing your neck, and then you felt his hands push the corset covering your breasts down. You were exposed, and he was holding both in his hands. He squeezed, and you heard yourself moan.

He hummed in agreement, “I have missed these.. and you.. but also these,” he joked again as he continued to massage. He was running his hands everywhere, and then you felt a pinch of pain that quickly dissolved into pleasure. You looked down to see your nipples between his fingers. He pinched and pulled, and rolled them. It was pleasurable and uncomfortable at the same time. You could feel yourself growing wetter as you watched him do this to you and your body felt like it was humming. You turned your head up to meet his gaze. He looked at you so affectionately, and then removed his hands from you completely.

You were dazed and confused, taking a step towards him he mirrored your movements and took a step back.

He smiled, his gaze was taking in your body. “Do you need something love?”

You took in a deep breath, trying to steady your erratic breathing. You knew the answer the moment he had asked the question, could hear yourself screaming it in your head.

“You,” you replied out of breath.

His smile grew even larger. “Show me what is mine.. what I have so miserably missed.”

The stubborn part of you immediately wanted to refuse him, just because, but then you noticed the hand that was making its way down to the bulge in his trousers. He was touching himself and you felt the heat in your cheeks knowing you were responsible. You felt compelled to contribute, and removed the rest of your clothing until you were naked before him. He was still dressed, and for a moment you felt foolish until you felt the gaze of his appraisal. You felt desired, by him, and it was heady.

Feeling bold you decided to play into the game.

“Are you going to make me wait much longer for what _I_ have so miserably missed?”

That earned a quick laugh before he was upon you once again.

With his hands on your hips, he maneuvered you to the bedside. Quickly he captured one of your nipples in his mouth while he continued playing with the other one. You looked down to see him flick and circle his tongue in the most delicious assault. You held his head close to you, and twisted his hair between your fingers. He groaned in agreement, and then pulled back and stopped.

He grasped your chin in his fingers and tilted your head to face him.

“Are you ready for me, my mate?” He asked in a soft and sensual tone.

You knew what he was asking, and you knew that for your first time it might be uncomfortable. But the intense heat and throbbing between your thighs needed attending to.

“Oh yes, please King Hozier,” you responded back quickly.

He tutted. “Such formalities are not normally tolerated in the bedroom..” he mused. You felt your cheeks heat and you turned your head shyly, you had no idea what was acceptable.

He took your cheek in his hand, “I find the use of that formality right now to be arousing me more than I ever expected,” he replied as his kissed you once more. Smiling through the kiss, you reached your hands down and found the hem of his shirt and began to pull it off. You ran your hands all over the expanse of exposed skin before you. He hummed in agreement, and you leaned forward to press a kiss to his chest.

He mimicked your efforts, pressing a kiss to your forehead and whispering, “Turn around for me love,” and you froze, unsure what to do. You gulped, and proceeded to lie flat on your stomach. He chuckled, and you turned your head around to meet his gaze.

“Perfect, just perfect…” he mused as he pulled your hips until your legs dangled over the side of the bed.

You felt his fingertips grasp and squeeze your backside. He sighed, and then slapped his palm against it. His regimen of squeezing and slapping continued and you enjoyed the continuation of pain meeting pleasure. Finally he stopped and you felt fingertips protruding at the apex of your thighs. You willed yourself to breathe and just get through it, but suddenly a feeling of electricity shot through your body.

“Oh!?” you gasped out. Taking notice of your agreement, the King continued to focus his efforts on that same spot and you felt your body shake, and your legs became uncontrollable. You didn’t recognize the sounds coming out of your mouth, and every noise spurred the King on more. You felt yourself on the brink of something and suddenly cried out, “oh yes, almost, oh – oh!” and then he stopped and you felt another slap to your ass.

Huffing, you craned your neck again to face him and saw him taking out his long length. Capturing his gaze, he said “You must wait for me to join you, mate.”

His tone was authoritative, so regal and so different than anything you’d heard from him so far. You felt a gush of wetness between your thighs. You moaned and pressed your head into the sheets under it. His large hands were on your thighs, and as he spread them apart as you felt a pressure where his hands had been.

Gasping, you reached your arms out and took hold of the sheets. It was uncomfortable, adjusting to the feeling of him inside you. But after a moment he began to move and it was a pleasure unlike anything you had ever experienced. You moaned, and heard the sound of your laboured breathing and proceeded to tangle your hands more in the sheets. You felt him laying across your back, his breath in your ear as he asked, “Who do you belong to?”

“You!” you cried out.

His warmth left your back and as he stood again, you felt his hands on your hips, physically pulling you back to him with every thrust.

“Mine. I will not lose you again.” He punctuated the end of the last sentence with thrusts increasing in intensity.

Your brain had turned off, short-circuited by the overwhelming amount of pleasure you were experiencing. Every thrust was met by an ecstatic cry from you. You couldn’t breathe, as you felt yourself building once again. His hand found you, and you felt your body seize and a wave come over you.

“Oh yes, gods oh yes!” you cried out.

“That is right. Shout for your mate, my love!” And with a grunt you felt a wetness spill into you.

You could barely breathe, barely see as you tried to come back down from your high. Your body felt lighter than air and you could feel the sweat cooling on your skin. You could hear the King’s breathing as well - hear him moving behind you until he was laying on the bed. He pulled you into him, and your head lay against his chest as you tried to regain composure.

He pressed kiss after kiss into your forehead, until finally you found it so ridiculous you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you laughing at me, sweet love?” He asked in an amused tone. When you didn’t answer, he continued, “I do not care if you are. Having you, all of you, in my arms is a happiness I feared I may never experience again. I am so happy to have you home, I am so happy to have you with me again.”

His words made your stomach flip, but then dread set in again. You were only pretending after all, and enjoying what had just occurred as you had... well you weren’t sure how to process that.

“We should eat soon, you must be hungry,” and as he said the words you realized you were famished.

He rose, and began looking for his shirt to redress. You couldn’t fathom standing, your entire body was so pleasantly tired. As you cradled your head with one arm beneath it, you glanced at your outstretched arm and your heart stopped. On the inside of it, was a mark you had never seen but it was clear it was a bite mark. You replayed the recent events in your head once more and came to the conclusion that King Hozier had not bitten you there once.

But the bite that was on your arm, was a special type of mark. It was a mark that only mates would have. A physical symbol of love and permanent commitment. The type of mark you have an entire ceremony about. You had looked at your arm a thousand times in your lifetime and had never seen the mark until now. You sat up, quickly, and began to rub at it. It did not move, it was permanent.

Your heart raced and you felt like you could pass out. Who had given you that mark? Why couldn’t you remember your own mating ceremony? When did you become mated?

You recalled your own love making from moments ago, his words rang loud in your head

_“That is right. Shout for your mate, my love!”_

Dread started to creep in and overtake your entire body. You couldn’t breathe but you could feel yourself shaking. You sat up a bit and used your free arm to rub and touch the mark. It didn’t move, and you could feel where the skin had healed from the bite, it wasn’t just a drawing. How could this be real?

The King interrupted your breakdown - “Ah, is that what made you remember? Have you not seen our mark in all of this time?”

Stunned, you looked up to meet the eyes of the soft speaker. You opened your mouth, and closed it. You looked to the King, desperate for some explanation.

As he cleaned himself off, he continued, “I’m sure it’s a shock. Traditionally, as you know, it’s always either the necks or maybe the arse.. intimate places,” He winked at you. “But you wanted it somewhere you could see, but others might not. Oh, I liked that idea a lot, in most dresses it’s visible and how it pleased me to have a mate who wanted to proudly bear my mark.” He paused as he smiled at you. You couldn’t tell if you were breathing, every muscle of your body felt like stone.

“Do you remember where you gave me mine?”

You shook your head, and hoarsely you replied, “No, I’m sorry.”

He came closer to the bed. “That’s quite alright love, I’m sure memories will come back in bits and pieces. Here look,” he pulled off his trousers from his legs and then jutted his right leg out in front of the left. Squinting, you looked and saw the tiny and narrow bite mark on the inside of his thigh. Your hand rose to cover your mouth. You had seen that indentation on the apples you ate many times before. You had made that mark.

He sank down on the bed beside you and pulled you into his lap. “Shh, it’s alright, I know it’s a lot to take in and remember.”

You closed your eyes and tried to focus your breathing on his heart beat.

He cradled your left arm in his hands, and when his fingertips ran over the mark on your arm you felt a spark, a deep feeling in your chest that reverberated down to your thighs. He pulled your arm closer to his face, and gently placed his teeth over the faded mark. You felt a line snap into place, a response, something in your body recalling that he was the owner of it. You knew then that King Hozier had placed that mark upon your body. That you had allowed him to claim you as his mate.

In a very brief moment, all your previous plans were shattered. Your focus shifted from trying to trick and escape the King, to trying to figure out what exactly you were missing and what had happened. One thing you were sure of now, was that someone had tampered with your memories. And the other thing, that you were less sure of but that was becoming more evident, was that at some point in your distant or near past, you had been in love with the King.


	6. dinner & diatribes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in forever and I'm sorry. I DO have more chapters written. Right now I'm toying with re-uploading chapters because I think I want to switch it from first person to second person. Without realizing, I started writing future chapters in second person and idk, I kinda liked it more. We shall see..

He held you against him for a long time. Nobody spoke and your brain was for once quiet. It felt nice to be held. Eventually there was a knock on the door, and the King announced to you that it was time for the evening meal. You fixed your dress and the followed him to the main dining room.

You sat opposite at a large oak table under the glow of flickering candles lingering about the room. The dining room had no windows. It was all stone. Large tapestries hung all around and their colours danced under the flames of the candlesticks. The room was painted in a soft glow that made an attempt to soften your frayed mood.

The dining rooms at home were bright, airy and alive. Yet here, much like the rest of the palace, felt warm and old – quiet. Quiet was the best description for the entire castle and was the thing most eerie about it. It did possess a sense of calm that Fallow could never have. At Fallow there was always a guest, or a commotion or an event to run to.

The sound of forks hitting plates permeated the room. You began to make your way through the food that was placed in front of you. You had not eaten much during the journey, and your body was now telling you to make up for it. You were thankful for the silence, you could finally focus on what you were doing and not the thousands of questions racing through your head. Eventually the spirits you digested began to dull the questions in your head as well, and you felt for once, pleasantly happy and content.

“Was the meal to your liking?” King Hozier broke the silence and you looked up to meet his intense gaze. The flickering candlelight met the sharp lines of his face and softened them. The low light suited him.

You nodded. You didn’t remember tasting anything but it was fine. He starred at you. Was he waiting for you to make conversation?

“The drink is good,” you responded stiffly.

He chuckled, “It’s your favourite, I am glad you still enjoy it.”

You nodded, and the conversation stalled, so he continued “I was thinking that since your memories are fuzzy and faded you could tell me one that you see and I could fill in the missing details.”

Your body immediately went hot as you struggled to recall a memory that you had never seen.

“I’m not sure the context of what I am recalling.. it’s more like moving pictures than it is a memory,” you stammered out. You could feel the beating of your heart, pounding so loud it felt like it was in your throat

“I see,” He replied. “Why don’t you describe what you see and I’ll try to remember when it was?”

You had no idea what could be believable, but you took a deep breath and conjured up a very vague explanation. “I see.. well I am in a pink dress, of light material. ” This was a safe lie as you knew you had plenty of pink dresses, rose blush was your favourite colour.

He smiled and began to rub his hand over his mouth. “Yes I remember that night. The summer solstice at Fallow.”

“Oh,” you responded softly, pretending that in some way aided your non-existent memory. You knew what the summer solstice entailed. It was a party from dawn until dusk, and it was incredibly important as it celebrated the longest day of sun each year when summer magic was most powerful. It was always the most grand of the parties and celebrations, plenty of food, drink and dancing.

Before he could question you anymore, “Could you tell me what happened? This one keeps coming up, something important must have happened?”

He outright laughed at that. “An understatement honey, but yes I will enjoy filling you in on the details.”

He played with the wineglass between his fingers.

“At your sisters’ presentation ball which was prior to the night you are seeing, you and I had kissed for the first time. You snuck out after the dancing had died down and we spent the night together in the garden talking until you curtly asked if I would ever kiss you,”

Hearing this detail you raised your eyebrow. That sounded highly assertive, even for you.

He nodded his head, almost as if he didn’t believe it either “After a while I complied,” he said, smiling to himself at the memory.

Sighing, almost as if the details slipped away from him, “Ummm, there were a few more pointless court gatherings after that. From other conflicts, I wasn’t able to attend until the summer solstice event. I think that you had gotten the wrong idea, and thought that perhaps I was trying to avoid you,” He gave you a pointed look.

You nodded in agreement, that type of rationalization seemed on par for you.

“When I greeted you that night I knew I was in trouble. You wouldn’t even make eye contact, and kept _accidentally_ referring to me as King Hozer,” he said with equal parts confusion and distaste.

You chuckled at this, and he smiled and looked at you.

“Yes exactly, and while you were twisted enough to wring my head, I have to confess I found the whole thing incredibly amusing. And endearing, that you were enamoured with me enough to be upset at two missed court engagements.”

You smiled, and couldn’t help the blush you could feel creeping on your cheeks. Most would take that kind of behaviour in the way you wanted them to, but he seemed to see through it.

“So I played dumb for a bit, pretended not to notice. My lack of participation really seemed to irk you, and at one point when I asked your sister to dance you lit a curtain on fire with a candlestick.”

Your mouth dropped. Dramatic, but effective.

“I made sure to sit across from you at dinner. By then your tactics had changed, and you were very engaged in a conversation with a noble of the spring courts. Which, looking back, yes I did start to become upset with your behaviour.”

Even though you was not there at the time, inside you felt yourself smirk and you thought ‘good’.

“From what you’ve described, this doesn’t sound like a particularly happy night,” you interjected.

“The spat didn’t last much longer after dinner. After a enamoured comment to the man sitting on your left, I attempted to.. change the mood.”

Puzzled, you asked “How did you manage that?”

He opened his mouth, and closed it. He was gauging whether to tell you, or maybe how to tell you. Your apprehension washed over you, as you prepared yourself to receive what seemed to be difficult information. With a determined expression, he faced you and leaned across the table a bit more.

Suddenly, you felt a cold gust of wind at your ankles. You jumped a bit, and looked to see if the window or door had been left open. There was nothing to attribute to the cause. With a confused expression, you turned back to face him. You knew by the look on his face that it was him. You had been witness to his powers previous, and they were back.

The faint, but present breeze travelled up your leg to the inside of your thigh. You attempted to close your legs but it was still there, cool and tingling against your warm skin. You could see no rustling of your dress - it was like a phantom breeze. It was an almost tickle, a nagging distraction that set off goosebumps all along your thighs, and you felt a quivering between your legs.

When you looked up and met the King’s eyes, the feeling of want between your legs intensified. His gaze was searing, and you found your mouth had gone dry.

Lowly, he continued, “That would be how. And when you attempted to leave the table..” his sentence trailed off. You gathered he wanted you to attempt as you had before. When you did, you found you could not stand. Glancing down the soles of your shoes had been frozen to the ground.

You were stuck, prey caught in the trap. You knew you should feel scared, but instead you felt powerful that you could have captured all his attention like this. Not breaking his gaze, you quirked your eye – daring him to go on. He gave you an amused hum, enticed that you would want to play the game again.

The cold little gusts were back, this time at your neck and trailing down slowly until they hovered over your breasts. You gasped out, this was a much larger assault. Glancing up you saw the King reclined in his chair, sipping from his glass as he watched your reactions with focused intent. You felt heat rush between your thighs. This is how he must have looked that night, when he tried to seduce you. Confident, poised, content on watching his ministrations play out as he kept you captive in your dinner chair.

You imagined this happening unknowingly at a table full of noble fae and dignitaries. You had never felt more desired. You could almost hear it, the flitting and fleeting conversations like a white noise behind you. His hot gaze, daring you to make your next move. You knew what it was: a nonchalant gaze, pretending to be unaffected while devouring a selected tart from the table. Making direct eye contact as you cleaned some of the sweetness from your fingers, pausing on your index finger to happily suck on the tip just a moment longer than you should.

“It seems like you remember this part.”

The King’s words interrupted your flashback, and you realized you had repeated the actions you had seen. Realization dawned on you that you had _seen_ the actions, you had seen yourself doing them. Before you could dwell on details that would surely send your head in a tailspin you begged him to continue.

“How did the night end?” you choked out.

He paused, evaluating whether he should continue his advances or continue the story.

“That that was the night you first laid with me. It is a fond memory, and one that you hope in time you will recover.” He spoke so honestly you knew it was true.

You took a long breath in and out. It was a standstill now and you were unsure what to do next. You could sense the tension in the air, and you could feel your own desire pooling between your legs.

“It’s been a long day dear, are you ready to retire?”

You weren’t sure if you were happy or sad by his suggestion to end the game but you nodded in agreement.

He led you back to his room – perhaps a room you had shared in another time. You found dressing gowns in the armoire, they were as pleasing as the dress. In bed together, for the first time in days it felt awkward

Was it because you were feeling the full weight of not quite knowing yourself, or because he was lying beside a portrait of a ghost he once knew?

You sighed, and rolled over to lay your head on his shoulder. He threaded his hands through your hair. You smiled and then dozed off into restless slumber.


	7. still of your hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm.. I am sorry? It's about to get very sexual. And while I'm slightly uncomfortable by the energy I've created in the studio today I am also proud of myself. Somebody has to be
> 
> But if you hate the sexual bits rest easy, the next few chapters get heated! with plot!!!
> 
> Thx for reading!

You were drawn to the study the next day, perusing the collections you found on the shelf, but not really reading or absorbing anything. The morning had been normal enough. You had awoken in the King’s arms and ate the morning meal together in quiet conversation. He had matters to attend to afterwards, the specific details of such were not shared with you, and you were left to amuse yourself.

You were surprised he would leave you unsupervised until you remembered the lie you were supposed to be living in. You weren’t sure if you should attempt escape. You weren’t even sure in that moment if you wanted to. There was a hollow feeling in your chest that came from the notion that there wasn’t a single person in your life whom you could trust. You felt betrayed by all parties for different reasons.

So, you had ended up among the books and texts in the study. It was cozy at least, with a warm fire and plush rug – even the primroses that had been so sadly drooping when you entered now seemed perky and alert. You knew you were searching for some knowledge or wisdom that might bring you clarity, but you weren’t even sure what you needed to be looking for. You had ended up with a book on horticulture. That was what you normally read at home. It was a fun fascination to learn the names of everything that grew in the garden. Whatever maternal instincts you had loved watching your seedlings grow and blossom, and there was such happiness in creating life, be it plant life.

This book was specifically focused on the plants found in the winter realm. There were certainly less than you would find in the summer realm, but this did not shock you at all. The summer realm produced all of the food for not only itself but most of the other realms. It is why Father said that few would ever dare interfere in our matters, or their people would starve. It is what made your family lions.

You were surprised to find that in the text you were reading, many more consumable plants were detailed than expected. You had imagined to find mostly root vegetables, but instead there was great research on moss and lichen that the author claimed was digestible. Even more interesting, were the pages and pages upon irrigation. Something having to do with the underground rivers, but you couldn’t fully grasp the concept.

“Not surprised to find you in here, Lady Mairead.”

You jumped at the voice, startled, and looked up to find Mrs. Girea there. You glanced at the fire which had been reduced to smouldering ashes. Most of the day had passed, it seemed.

“The master has returned and asked for your accompaniment on a walk of the grounds,” she finished.

You nodded, standing and returning the book to its place on the shelf.

“Please inform him I will be a moment, I need to find warmer garments.”

“Of course, m’lady,” she replied and scuttled off down the hall.

You descended down the stairs, clad in a thick cape and furs to your waiting King. He was wearing the most formal attire you had seen so far. His torso was covered in a hard, black material that had a slight shine to it. It looked almost like armour, and you could see winter realm emblems engraved on it. He was wearing a fur cape, and black leather gloves adorned his hands. His appearance caught you off guard, you were so used to seeing him in soft linens and bare chest, with his usual fur vest. His presence now was unmistakably royal, regal and powerful.

He outstretched his hand to you as you approached, and you placed yours in his.

“How lucky am I to be greeted by your beauty this evening. How was your day?” He asked as he kissed your hand.

You blushed at the compliment and felt a small smile creep across your face.

“Good, quite alright,” you responded.

With hands clasped, he began to lead you outside. The first gust of wind knocked the breath out of your chest. You were audibly uncomfortable, and you heard the King mutter softly before the wind seemed to die down. The chill in the air was still bitter but you were breathing easier.

It was dusk and the snow shone and sparkled in the setting sun. You could heard the crunch of your feet upon the snow and the noises of the barn and forgery nearby. He led you away, behind the palace, where there was a beautiful frozen garden that extended all the way until the outer wall.

He began to weave you through the snow-covered statues and benches, among the frozen creeks and through the winding path.

“This is peculiar,” you stated bluntly.

“Why do you say that?”

“Why have an outdoor garden in the winter realm? Do you ever really use it or is it just frozen all the time?”

He chuckled, “You seem to think that there is no use for it, unless the weather is warmed?”

You didn’t respond. That part had seemed obvious to you, but clearly there was something you were missing.

“It doesn’t always snow, you know,” he continued. “Sometimes it’s just cold, sometimes the ground thaws a bit. We’ll never have the kind of weather you grew up with, but it’s not always a..”

“Frozen wasteland?” you finished for him.

Begrudgingly he nodded, “It’s never that, but to your point yes.”

We continued along until the end of the garden and stopped in front of the wall. You stared up at it, and the King maneuvered behind you, and wrapped his arms around you. It was new, but pleasant.

“Are you cold, Mairead?”

You shifted from foot to foot, and found that both were warm.

“No,” you responded.

“I’m not surprised, you’re in much better attire than the last time you were outside.”

“You’re in different attire altogether today.”

He didn’t respond, so quietly you added “I like it..”

“I had meetings with some of the high fae of my Kingdom.”

You hummed in understanding.

“Anything notable to mention?” You tried to phrase the question as nonchalant as you could.

He laughed shakily into your ear.

“A few were happy to hear you had returned.”

He gave you a gentle squeeze as you continued on the walk together and the uncomfortable feeling was back in your chest again.

“We also received correspondence from Fallow,” he sounded unsure about whether or not he should share this information with you.

In your wallowing you had almost forgotten that the King had abducted a member of the royal family. Of course your father would not be pleased.

“Are they threatening war?” you asked slowly.

“No,” his reply was quick and you couldn’t deny the pang of hurt knowing your family was not livid about their daughter being taken. Would they had threatened war if Damhnait was taken? You weren’t a future Queen, but being next in line wasn’t anything to ignore either.

“Your sister wants to come visit, most likely to gather intelligence as to your situation or to try to steal you back. They’re disguising it under the veil of a royal visit to discuss the upcoming harvest.. but I don’t think that is what it is really about.”

“Perhaps they will threaten your food supply if you do not return me,” you suggested, feigning interest into your nailbed.

“I guess we’ll never know.” He responded.

“You denied the request for a visit?” you asked, and you could not hide the sadness in your voice.

It was then he turned to you, and took you in his arms.

“Why would you want to see them, after all that’s happened and all that they have done?” He inquired. You could sense that he was truly puzzled by your interest in seeing your family.

You paused, gathering your words before replying, “They’re still my family, and I feel sad considering the way I had to leave last time. Is it your wish that I never see them again?”

“Of course not,” he quickly replied, and then opened his mouth again as if to add something.

“But you still don’t trust me,” you finished for him.

You both paused, staring into each other’s eyes for a moment.

“No that is not it. You must understand,” he grasped your shoulders while speaking firmly. His eyes were intent on giving you this truth and having you accept it, searching your own eyes for understanding. Then he took you in both of his arms, engulfing you in his embrace.

“Life was awful without you. I cannot have it happen again.” He mumbled into your hair.

You pulled away and smiling said, “It won’t.”

You kissed him then, and he wrapped his arms around you. When he pulled away you were still smiling like your answer was obvious, like the past would never happen again. It was easy for you to say it would be so because you had no idea what had happened. If it did happen again, it wouldn’t be an ‘again’ for you. And when you have no idea what you are walking into, bravery is easy.

Taking your hand he began to lead you along the path back to the palace.

“I suppose they will eventually have to come, to see you, so that royal engagements and events can take place again.”

This piqued your interest. You remembered your failed birthday plans, nobody was allowed to do anything and you couldn’t remember having a single visitor at Fallow since.

Quietly, you asked “When do you think everything will be okay to have them start up again?”

He paused, thinking about your question.

“I suppose when the entire fae realm believes that I did not abduct you,”

You quickly replied, “But you did, Tenen was a witness.”

He scoffed. “No no, not then. When you first came to live at Deigh, almost a year ago now.”

You struggled not to stop dead in your tracks. You had lived at Deigh? It seemed that you were more seriously involved with the King than you had expected. You saw your old memory and in it you had flirted with him, maybe even been romantically involved... but you had lived here? You voluntarily left the beauty of your home to freeze about behind stone walls? You couldn’t make sense of it, you really could not.

However, the subject of your family visiting was still at the present moment, on the table.

“Well, whenever you see fit for a visit, I think it would be smart to let Damhnait come on her own. She will be more understanding than Mother or Father... or perhaps we could always leave it to the winter solstice.”

The solstice was still months away, and tradition was that it was always held at Deigh. However, with our two realms in a sort of cold standoff, it very obviously would not happen unless things had settled.

“No.. You are right, they will have to come to terms eventually. I will write back that we will be expecting her in eight days’ time. Does that agree with you? I do not want to push you into this too soon.”

Your heart soared at the idea of seeing your sister.

“Yes, I will be ready. If you’re there... I will be safe.” you smiled up at him, and he kissed the top of your head.

“Never again,” he echoed his earlier promise.

Truth be told, you would feel safer if he was there. But as it was you would be going into this reunion completely blind, and the King was the only one who did not know. Both sides would assume your place was with them, and you had no idea where you wanted to go.

He led you back to the castle where you ate together in harmonious conversation. The King spoke most of history, educating you on his family and the long line that came before him.

You had heard stories and lessons of your own at Fallow, however the one gap in your learning was how Hozier came to the throne. You knew it had something to do with the Battle of Fyrn, which was the war the previous King started and lost against your realm. But after, there was no speak of what happened to the King or where he went. Years later, King Hozier ascended the throne, your parents granted a royal pardon, and the world was at peace once again.

Silence filled the room, and you realized the King had stopped talking and you had been lost in your thoughts.

“The previous King.. King Grior sounds like a great man, very wise. I hope to meet him one day.”

His face went stoic and you had the sinking feeling in your stomach that you had made a grave mistake.

“As with tradition, Mairead, there can only be one living King at a time ruling the Winter Realm,” his voice was calm but you could sense his anger behind it.

Your mouth popped open, “I am so sorry. It was so foolish.. I do know that. Or – or I did know that.”

“I know honey, you just had a moment’s confusion that’s all.”

You nodded, relieved at his forgiveness, and then he stood to escort you back to the chambers.

You were undressing in silence. You could sense that bringing up his Father, who you now knew with complete certainty was definitely dead, had upset him. He was staring into the void as he removed his layers and royal ornaments off of his body.

You felt sad and guilty for making him feel this way, so you approached as he was unbuttoning his shirt.

“Let me do this,” you said quietly as you took over undressing him. You didn’t glance up at him, unsure if he was still upset or was perhaps happy to have you there. You hoped he was happy. You continued gently removing clothing pieces from him until only his undergarments were left.

You looked up and he was watching you with a softened gaze.

You didn’t like the look he gave you, like you were a wounded animal. You wanted to feel like he had made you previously – powerful, desired. You sunk down onto your knees, and you could hear his quick exhale of surprise.

You took his length out of its confinement, and began to move your hand back and forth over it. You didn’t really know what you were doing, but you had a feeling to trust your instinct. It was clear now that at one point in the past you had known how to please him.

You bent your head down and wrapped your lips around the tip. Using your tongue, you darted out and began to flick. You felt a hand come down into your hair, grabbing and securing your head. He guided you down the entirety of his length until your nose was buried in his hairs and you were fighting the feeling of being sick. Struggling, you tried to look up to meet his gaze and you heard him inhale and the hand in your hair tightened.

“Oh Mairead, I see you have remembered this night.”

Popping off, you looked up at him and tried not to pretend to be as surprised as you were. Gods, how had you repeated the same actions, and what the hell was supposed to come next? Also, had you only pleasured him before one singular time? That would make you a selfish lover. Or had you done something small that triggered a specific memory? You were frustrated at yourself for unknowingly walking into the past again.

You tried to smile, and then you replied, “Is it boring? I am sorry”.

“On the contrary, it was a night I would be most anxious to repeat.”

You nodded, if it had happened to you before it wasn’t bad enough that it couldn’t happen to you again.

Hozier knelt in front of you and began to tenderly kiss you. You sighed happily, his scent and presence was overwhelming in the best and most distracting way. You felt his hands roam your body and you intertwined your hands behind his neck. You tried to pull yourself closer to him and you felt his hand around your waist, scooting you closer to him. You were very happy to be in his lap, dwarfed by his massive frame. He worked kisses down your neck and found the spot on your collarbone that made you gasp.

You felt greedy and wanted more. You wanted his hands to do the things you had never felt until him. You could feel the ache and wanted him to pinch and pull your nipples like he had done before. You took his large hands in yours and began to manoeuver them to where you wanted.

This caused him to pull away and break the kiss. You sat back on your heels, panting and waiting for him to resume.

He held open his palm, and you watched as snow began to appear. Ah, it seemed like he was putting his magical gifts to delinquent use again. He squeezed his palm together then, and the snow formed a little ball. He began to manipulate it until it was shaped like a tiny oblong egg. Like a quail’s egg, but then again not quite. You watched as the white snow turned to clear glass – frozen as ice. It was pretty, the light shone off the ice egg in a gorgeous manner.

He took your hands and once again entwined them around his neck. Given the new distance you were now awkwardly leaning over him. You felt his hands on your backside, groping and kneading your ass. You could feel your body tense and you were glad he could not see your eyes which were panicked. You felt wet fingers probe where you had never felt them before – where you were pretty sure they weren’t supposed to go. You were so shocked you couldn’t speak and you wondered if he would be offended if you told him he had the wrong hole. You had a sinking yet fluttering feeling that he knew however.

Slowly but surely the finger eased into you and the foreign feeling became quite pleasurable. You let out a softer sigh, and the King turned his head to kiss you.

“Good girl,” he said and you felt yourself heat again at the compliment.

When you felt the cold egg press against you, you immediately moved away. He shushed you, quietly cooing to relax. You tried to focus on not tensing, on letting your limbs go limp and with a press the tiny egg was sucked inside you. As it was made of ice you expected it to start melting combined with your body heat. You waited but you could feel no liquid running out, it was exactly as he placed it. He rose until he was standing again.

“Please continue,” his voice was low but there was a tone of command you hadn’t heard before.

You were confused, and then you remembered what you had been doing earlier. You shuffled your hips side to side, getting used to the new feeling before continuing as you had before. You were confused as to whether you liked it or not. It felt slightly indecent to have something inside of you, least of all in a place not normally intended for penetration. But you couldn’t lie that whatever reservations you had about it – it felt good and you liked how wrong it felt for it to be there in the first place.

You began moving up and down his length using only your mouth. Your hands were atop his thighs for balance. Sufficiently wet, you began to try sucking and flicking as you moved, and you watched as he tilted his head back and groaned.

“Very good,” he drawled and the hand came back to your hair. You paused for a moment, the feeling of the egg had changed, but as you moved your hips once again you felt it was still there.

He used his hand to guide you up and down and change the pace as he liked. Feeling braver you began to take him all the way down, and then pulling off before quickly sinking down again.

“Fuck Mairead,” His hips jutted out into your mouth, and you felt the sensation in your ass again. This time you stopped to reach back, and you still felt it there.

His thumb stroked your cheekbone, and you looked up at him, mouth full and eyes confused. He was smiling down at you, enjoying your reactions.

“Is this what you’re feeling?” He asked, and you felt the sensation again until you realized. The egg _was growing._ Immediately your thighs throbbed and you felt yourself growing wetter at the thought of him making you feel fuller. Could he do that? How could he do that?

You moaned, it came out garbled around his length and you heard him moan in agreement as he bucked his hips into your mouth.

“Yes honey, so good for me. Do you like feeling it grow inside you?”

Both hands came to grasp around your head and he held you still as he thrust his length in and out of your mouth. You concentrated on breathing as you felt your spit dribble down your chin. After a few moments you were able to relax, and you wrapped your mouth around him as he plunged in and out.

This pleased him and you felt the egg grow again. You moaned, it didn’t hurt at all but you didn’t know how much more you could take. You felt stretched and full, and seeing and watching him use your body left you needing and wanting him so badly.

“Fuck yes, take it. Take everything – such a good girl. You like feeling so full don’t you?”

You tried to moan a response.

“I know you do, you wicked thing. Gods you look so good right now.”

He groaned, and his words became slightly more incomprehensible. You made out that he was trying to tell you of his impending climax.

“No!” you cried as you pushed away from him. He was bewildered at your noncompliance, and you saw concern flash across his face as he wondered if he had hurt you.

“No.. I need you. Don’t finish without me,” you crossed your hands over your chest.

He caught on and approached the side of the bed, half leaning on it.

“Are you asking me to take you?” The smirk in his voice was evident.

“Obviously,” you replied back, tossing your hair over your shoulder. He gestured with his arms, a very clear ‘well come and get it’ and you stepped in between his legs as he sat on the bed.

His hand trailed down to the wetness in your thighs, and then farther back to press on the end of the egg that was peeking out.

“Where?” He asked and you felt a new wave of arousal wash over you. You hadn’t even considered having him inside you where the egg was. The idea was provoking, but knew what you needed.

You pushed him on top of the bed.

He fell back and then immediately propped himself up on his forearms.

“Gods, how I have missed you,” he said as you mounted him.

You smiled, he made you feel so powerful and loved. You would miss this too if you were him.

Sinking down on his length, inch by inch you found the relief you so desperately needed. You felt full. You weren’t sure how exactly to move, but you rocked your hips back and forth and found the feeling there.

“Oh!” you cried out as you tried again to recreate what you did.

After some unsuccessful attempts, the King wrapped his hands around your thighs and began to move you. Once you had gotten used to the angle, you began slamming yourself down in a way that made your legs spasm. Seeing that you had figured everything out, he moved his hands to the frozen egg and began to push it in.

“Ooohhhh,” you moaned as you continued your pace. You felt him begin to pull the egg out, and force it back in. you cried out, both sensations together were overwhelming.

“Yes, please! Please oh!!” you were practically screaming as your senses were struggling to contain the pleasure pulsing through your body. Your brain was short-circuiting as you reached closer to the end and your movements became sloppy once more.

The King, who had been silently panting below you forced the egg in again once more before flipping you onto your stomach and taking you from behind. He began a relentless pace that you welcomed, every push rubbing against your sensitive bud.

“You – fuck. You fucking love letting me use you like this don’t you?”

Your breath was catching in your throat, and the King was grunting with every force. Both of you were focused on chasing and capturing sweet relief. He was still pulling and playing with the ice egg, and you found yourself whining and mumbling nonsense into the pillowcase. As a response, the King pushed the back of your head further into the pillow.

“What was that? I can’t hear you love. I can’t hear you begging for more.” His hips were snapping at a violent pace and his words were sending your head into a frenzy. He sounded so condescending and you loved it.

“Please!!!” you cried out.

“Please what?” He replied sharply. “Please for more?”

“Please I want to come. Don’t stop, don’t, ah, ah!”

Through a strangled cry you found your release and felt the walls of your pussy pulse around his cock.

Your body felt numb to his final few thrusts, and with a grunt and deep exhale he met you in ecstasy.

You lay there together, spent, erratic breathing the only sound you could hear besides the thrumming of your pulse. Lazily, you began to run your hands over his back, stroking and waiting for him to come back. Eventually he gazed up and gave you a secret smile.

He moved to kiss the breast closest to his mouth and you laughed.

“I think I’m spent enough for tonight, lover.”

He nipped at your breast. “You meant to say mate.”

You paused. “It would please you for me to address you as such?”

His eyes met yours with a darkened gaze. “Immensely”

“As you wish, my mate.”

He smiled and pressed a round of kisses into your midriff.

“Ready?” He asked, looking up at you playfully.

Your face was puzzled, and then you felt wetness slowly trickling out of your backside. It registered that the egg was slowly melting inside you. Whatever magic he has used to keep it frozen had stopped upon completion and you had the uncomfortable sensation of water dripping out of you.

You started to push at his chest, trying to move him off of you. “You must get off of me or else I’ll soil the whole bed. This is so disgusting.”

He rose, kissed you and flipped you over.

“No it is not disgusting. In fact, my favourite part is to watch it melt.”

You groaned, for whatever reason his words had aroused you again. Your stomach flipped and your heart almost fell out of your chest as you felt his tongue lick over where the cold water was trickling out of you.

You immediately pulled yourself forward.

“Are yo-“

He cut you off with a shush and a nip to your butt.

“You’ll enjoy this, relax.”

You were horrified yet aroused and intrigued by his comment. He seemed to know your body better than you did.

In your head, you wondered what the extent of your sexual depravity had been before. You weren’t sure, but you had a feeling you would soon find out. And that thought, excited you the most.

His hand reached around stroking you to life again. Gods forgive me, you thought as you prepared yourself for round two. You smirked, knowing full well that as long as you had this man between your thighs, you didn’t care at all what the Gods would think.


	8. the art of scraping through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So you may have noticed that I made good on my promise and changed the point of view from first to second. If you're confused, feel free to read back a few chapters.. In re-uploading them I did not change any major plot points as I recall, only tiny edits for things I didn't catch the first time around.
> 
> I'm also very happy to say that inspiration struck and this story finally has a vision, outline and I have an idea of where it's going! I should be posting more regularly.. thank you as always for your sweet comments :)

It was three days until your sister’s arrival, and the King was growing more nervous. He fussed over you often, and seldom left your side. When you first arrived he seemed happy to let you have your run of the grounds and you enjoyed exploring. Now they were dusting out the rooms, preparing beds, rehanging the tapestries and this seemed to agitate him further as you were often ushered out of rooms together so they could be prepared.

“You’d think that we lived in a pigsty, the way the maids are acting..” He quietly grumbled beside you as you walked the long corridors to another sitting room.

You were surprised he would dare utter a word against his own beautiful kingdom, or those that worked for him.

You took his hand in yours and absentmindedly rubbed his arm. “Perhaps they are just excited to have a royal visitor. It’s been some time, has it not?”

He nodded, “It’s been a while since we were in anyone’s good graces and they are excited for something new.” At the memory, he began to smile.

You started to clue in to what he was alluding to.

“After I was here the first time.. nobody visited?”

“Nope,” he answered with a modest smile. “We were left to ourselves, in our social exile.”

You were upset at the thought of social out casting, but the King seemed pleased.

“What a lonesome creature you are,” you mused to him.

“What is loneliness when I am with you?” He immediately replied.

You chuckled and let out a long sigh. You knew the King did not care for the opinions of other realms, but you still found it hard to accept he could throw away social standing for anyone.. for you.

Your stomach turned again as the gravity of his words sunk in. He assigned you as the source for so much of his happiness, but what was to happen if you were to leave again?

You were not definitively sure that Damnhait’s visit was merely a ruse to bring you home, but if your Father were to come up with any plan to get you back, you imagined that would be a good one. And you had helped him by convincing the King to let her visit.

As uncertain as you felt about the outcome of your sister’s stay, you felt more excitement than trepidation. Since your abduction you had been piece by piece fed information by the King that while completely contradicted everything your family had told you - did not outwardly feel wrong. You wanted answers, and when you finally had both parties in one room, you felt like the chances of them lying to you would drastically decrease. One way or another, you would find out who was lying and who was truthful – and then decide where to live accordingly.

After a few hours of quiet reading in the study you heard a large groan from the man opposite your chaise.

You peeked your gaze over the edge of your book, and found him staring at you.

“What’s the matter?” you asked, unamused.

He threaded his fingers together and placed them delicately on his chest.

“Oh I’m fine, just feeling a bit cooped up, not being able to do anything as they clean the castle.”

Inward you felt yourself sneer, you had been cooped up here since he abducted you. But you bit it back and gave him a hum in acknowledgement.

“And my sweet mate is too caught up in books, no time for me.” There was a glint in his eyes as he teased.

You placed your book on the table.

“How can I assist you, dear King?” The clear sarcasm dripping in your tone.

“Care for a horse ride?”

You shifted your hips side to side. “No, still sore.”

Without missing a beat he replied, “From our last journey or from last night?”

You felt your cheeks blush, but you gave him a disapproving scowl.

“From the last time you hauled me around in the frozen countryside. I have no immediate want to be on a horse again, I shiver merely thinking of it.”

He laughed and then rose to stroke the fire. You smiled at the kind gesture, and felt an ache in your chest. You moved to lay where he had been. When he returned he simply maneuvered you so that you were leaning against him. You resumed reading your book as he cradled you in his arms and pressed kisses to your head.

“Is that the same horticulture book as before?” He quietly asked.

“No, I’ve found another on underground greenhouses..” you mused.

“Something you’ve never heard of?” He supplied.

“No, but it’s very fascinating. Has anyone in your council ever looked into it?”

He paused, and then said “I think that would fall under Eoewn but he has never mentioned it.. he’s in charge of goods.”

A new question popped into your head, but you felt foolish to ask.

“I feel ashamed that I do not know, but what is the main export of the winter realm?”

He had a deep exhale and shuffled you a bit in his arms. 

“That’s a difficult question, or perhaps a slightly longer answer for you.. I do not wish to ‘export’ any specific good if I don’t have to. My people work for themselves and the kingdom, but as to your point we cannot be self-sufficient due to the climate, or as much as I’d like to be. The thing we have, that other kingdoms may not is stone, wood. Building materials.”

“Ah, so you trade precious metals and stone for the goods you don’t have.”

“Yes, we trade metal for the one good we don’t have and need to survive – food.”

“Why are you so upset to engage in trade?” You turned to look at him, exasperated.

He sighed but didn’t respond as he idly rubbed your arms up and down. Repeating the same action you had tried earlier to calm him down.

There was a long period of quiet. He was lost in thought and you didn’t think he was going to answer your question.

“Perhaps if you could try to engage in underground growing.. you could be less dependent. You could use old mines for it..”

In a hushed tone he responded, “For all I complain about our lack of agriculture, I’m embarrassed I’ve never thought of that. Will you speak to Eoewn about this?”

“Does this mean I am being invited to an official meeting of the council?”

You had been attempting to join him for such meetings for days now. As King Hozier’s true mate, as evidenced by the mark on your arm, it meant that there was an automatic place for you at the council. But the King had been in no rush to invite you, and you’d no idea where they were held or when. You couldn’t fault him for keeping you away from it – as much as proclaimed his love for you, you could tell he was still taking precautions.

He made a noise of agreement and then went back to absentmindedly playing with your hair.

“I will call a meeting for the council tomorrow,” he eventually responded.

“That doesn’t give me much time to prepare,” you answered him. “Can’t it wait until after my sister’s visit?”

The King tensed and you felt the air in the room grow cold. Inadvertently, you had said something to offend. Perhaps it upset him to be reminded of the blood relation between yourself and his rival Kingdom.

“I am afraid if left until then.. Eoewn would not get the chance to speak with you,” a response so quiet for a moment you thought you were in his mind, hearing his thoughts.

“I told you.. I am staying. They won’t take me away from you again,” you wanted to sound reassuring but you were trying to swallow the lump in your throat. You were blatantly lying to him. Even you could not be sure what was to come.

“You’ve said it yourself before that you’re not going to let them take me again. I trust you and I trust you will keep this promise. You are a great King, a strong King.”

“I am a strong King. But once I was not strong enough and I let you go.”

His words cut into you, and sent a buzzing feeling throughout your body. You had always assumed that the time previous in which you were living at the castle.. was of your own free will.

_I let you go_. There was no mistake in what he was referring to. You felt a hot wash of shame come over your body at how naïve you had been. You had been abducted by the King twice now, and both times he had fooled you into liking him, into caring for him. You couldn’t deny the mark on your arm, you knew that you had somewhat willingly agreed to become his mate. But obviously you had been under a spell, or under his spell.

Your breathing picked up and you clawed at the material of the chaise below you to steady yourself. How peculiar that in a moment’s time your perception of this man could change from mate to captor. The realization was like a splash of cold water and you were happy for it. Everything had come into focus once more and you began to formulate a plan of attack and escape.

The first step was spending less time with the King and gathering intelligence in preparation for your sister’s arrival. The second step would be getting out of Deigh in a manner that did not cause an all-out war.

“You’ll tell Eoewn he and I will be speaking at council tomorrow, then?” you said quietly, with false sincerity.

At his agreeable reply you rose, disconnecting your bodies.

“I have so much more to prepare for then. Goodnight, dear King.” you said, voice oozing with honey but tone clipped.

Your shoes echoed across the stones as you made your way to a different study. True, you did have things to review. But not the agriculture books the King would assume you would be studying. You were on the hunt for history books, magic books – anything to give you insight to the King and his powers.

You felt frustrated again at being weak enough to be abducted twice. Clearly the first time around you had chosen to succumb to your situation and make the best of it, and perhaps that was the easiest path at the time. You didn’t feel any malice toward your previous self. All feelings of anger and upset were directed at the King, who stole you back after he ‘let you go’ home.

This time, you wouldn’t be asking for permission.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were watching the rain pelt the ice covered ground through the safety of your window. For the council you had picked out what you considered to be your most regal robes and you had been ready for hours; but the King had informed you that you would be brought in at the end to speak with Eoewn directly. You weren’t surprised, but it did throw a wrench in your plans for the day. Void of anything to do, you watched the small droplets pass in front of the lanterns. It created a dazzling kind of haze.

In your preparations for the meeting, you had not found anything else that was helpful or that taught you something you did not already know. Nothing hinted at the King’s powers, or how he might have outsmarted the Summer Realm twice. There was no fatal flaw you had found that you could use as leverage for your escape.

“M’lady?” Supplied a voice from the doorway. You turned to see the servant girl who helped you dress some days at the threshold.

You followed in her path as she led you to the council. Your summoning breathed life and excitement into your veins. This was the moment you had been waiting for all day and now you found yourself worried when you wanted to feel prepared.

You watched as your shadow danced in the torchlight of the hallways. The meeting had been going on so long that the day had faded into a bleak night. You found it odd that the council would meet so late in the day, but the King had told you this was due to members having responsibilities and occupations during the daytime. Naïve of you, you thought, to assume that their main jobs would be to engage in politics.

She led you through the study with the largest book collection. Stacks and pules littered the ground and spilled over the actual bookcases. It was not a study you spent a great deal of time in as every inch was covered in paper and ink and you had to be incredibly mindful of your steps. In one corner around the side of a chestnut bookcase you could see a beige sheet half strung across an opening. The girl peeled the makeshift curtain away and ushered you to step through.

When you did you heard the rustle of chairs scraping as the members stood to address you. You stepped over the threshold and saw eight faces peering at you and at the head of the table was your mate. His face, which normally was warm and inviting was instead apprehensive.

“Good evening, esteemed councilmembers,” you said while curtseying.

“Please sit, Mairead,” he gestured to the chair closest to you. His voice sounded tired and you immediately felt a fleeting worry pass through your chest. You dismissed it, and tried to sit as gracefully as you could muster with all your layers of garments. You smoothed the rust coloured skirts until they lay flat, and then straightened your posture.

The room where the meeting was held was incredibly dim. A few candles lingered on the table, amidst the goblets of amber liquid, and they were almost completely burned through. Great maps hung behind everyone detailing certain regions of the Winter Realm and other realms in their entirety.

You took stock of the fae sitting in front of you. Some faces you recognized - the man sitting to the right of the King was Doyle who had greeted him at the gates. You were surprised to see Mrs. Girea at the table as well, giving you a kind smile.

You felt instantly at ease realizing you knew members of the council and that it was not some stuck up group of noblemen. The King himself looked unfortunately handsome this evening. His signature fur vest was back with a golden sleeved shirt underneath. A few of the buttons were undone on the shirt, exposing some of his chest hair. He was reclined in his seat, with one of his knees perpendicular and perched over the other. In a sense he looked bored, and there was something very King-ly and powerful about it.

One of the men at the table stood to address everyone. He had red, curly hair and a round face. He looked younger than Mrs. Girea but not quite as youthful as the King.

“Lady Mairead, thank you so much for joining this evening. King Hozier has spoken of your talents and knowledge with horticulture and I think it could be most useful in our efforts to become a self-sufficient realm. I understand you have a proposition for us, and I’ll give you my full attention now, as will the rest of the council, to hear it.”

With a smile and a small bow he took his seat again and all eyes were upon you. You took a long breath and steadied your heartbeat. As you had been granted the seat opposite of the King, the seat reserved for the lady of the house and the seat that is automatically granted respect, you knew you needn’t stand to make your proposal.

“Thank you very much Eoewn,” you began with a smile, and he nodded confirming your guess at his identity.

“The main problem with pursuing an aggressive strategy in terms of agriculture would be the lack of suitable conditions for growing. The climate is not agreeable most of the year. There are two possible options to remedy this: change what you grow or change where you grow. If you want to change what you grow, I would direct and instruct you that many forms of moss and lichen can be consumed safely. And, these types of plants can survive in a multitude of cultures.”

“But if you asked me to change where you grow, I would direct you to look under the surface. Many old mines could pose the answer to your question. Being underground protects from snow, sleet, rain and could also pose a warmer climate depending on where it is situated. There are many underground rivers and sources for irrigation, so that is not a concern. The one piece I have not fully figured out yet is the sunlight factor. I am searching and scouring for a solution but so far I do not have one yet, every plant needs a bit of sunlight.”

You finished your practiced speech and surveyed the expressions of the council members around you. Some looked pleasantly surprised, others did not look impressed.

A woman with large grey eyes spoke next, “And why is it you have brought to us a proposal that is not fully completed?”

You felt the immediate sting of embarrassment wash over you and you felt warm. You wanted to bite back that the King had only informed you of this meeting last evening, but he spoke before you could.

“Please introduce yourself to my mate, you remember what I spoke of earlier?”

She smiled, nodding and correcting herself. Your smile felt very forced and fake as your eyes darted between the King and her – trying to discern what he could have spoken about earlier outside of your horticulture talents.

“My apologies your highness, I am Saiore, and I oversee affairs for Winter Fae.”

You nodded, attempting to commit to memory the divisions of responsibilities for this council.

“I do apologize that I have not finished the final details of this plan. While I am well versed in horticulture, I am by no means a genius, and I thought that perhaps someone on the council might have the answer..” you trailed off, uncertain if there was anything worth pursuing in your proposal after all.

There was silence. Nobody seemed to have the answer, and they had looked to you to find it.

“It’s a puzzling predicament indeed, but one that I am certain we can all overcome. For now, let us find suitable sites and begin preparation. Perhaps inspiration will strike once we start the project,” mused the King.

Everyone nodded.

“Lady Mairead, I am in charge of land and properties for most of the Realm. If you can afford me one afternoon of your time, I can run through what I think would be the most suitable sites for this endeavour.”

Mrs. Girea had her ever-present smile on when speaking, and while you knew the intention was to be friendly it only served to make you feel like a child.

“Of course, I am committed to this project, and seeing it to fruition.”

The council seem pleased with the response, and you wondered if perhaps this whole meeting they had been judging your allegiance to the Winter Realm more than anything else. You couldn’t blame them, your feelings truly depended on the day.

“Thank you my darling, please wait for me in our room,” the King so eloquently dismissed you and you felt a small amount of anger towards him. But, you smiled, bowed and exited the room at his request.

Back in your chambers, you were pacing. You knew and felt that the meeting had gone well, but you were treated as a consultant, as an outsider. Granted you were plotting to return to your homeland, but nobody else knew this. The rest of the meeting and agenda items were still kept hidden from you and you knew this was because you were still not trusted. Why would you want to stay here if this is what it would be like, forever?

The door opened and shut and you turned to face your mate. He was evaluating the situation, almost as if he could feel the waves of distaste rolling off of your body.

Pushing your feelings aside you brought your game plan back into focus. He had started to remove the royal garments and pieces of clothing.

“How did the rest of the meeting go?” You asked with fake sweetness.

“Do you care?” Came his sharp reply as he tossed a bracelet on the table. It caught you off guard.

“Of course I care?” You replied back, not quite following whatever he was upset about.

“You are only upset that I dismissed you from the meeting,” he replied calmly.

You approached him, confusion clear on your face.

“Yes. That is exactly what I am upset about as a matter of fact. Why did you agree to let me come to the council if not for its entirety?”

He sighed, and only then crossed to meet you in the middle of the room.

“I had every intention of having you there for the rest of the meeting, but when you came in.. it was clear you were only invested in your own project,”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he cut you off by placing two fingers over your mouth.

“You did not ask for introductions of the councilmembers or what they oversee. You gave a speech on a matter which should have been a discussion, and only when prompted did you admit you were in need of the council’s aide.”

You stood, dumbfounded and not entirely sure what the problem was. His analysis of your behaviour was correct, but you hadn’t the perspective to understand what or why it bothered him.

He started to brush stray strands of hair behind your ear, but you couldn’t’ tolerate the seemingly sweet action when you were in the middle of negative feedback. You batted his hand away.

He sighed, and spoke quietly.

“Everything you did tonight tells me you don’t consider yourself to be a full member of the council, or one who intends to be on it for long. And that worries me. And in the prelude to your sister’s arrival.. makes me doubt you.”

He finished his speech with a look of such sadness on his face. Gone now were the accusations, you were left with only a sour truth - which you wouldn’t confirm no matter how right he was. You had to attempt to break his heart right back to regain his trust that was paramount for your sister’s visit.

“I’m not.. used to all of this. I know you said I once knew how but believe me-” and you found your voice started to break on its own accord at this admission.

“I have no idea what I am doing. I thought my behaviour was okay – I was trying to be concise. How am I to know what the tone of the council is if you don’t tell me? And I am so sorry that I disappointed you. I wish you would have told me what is expected so that you would not have to be upset with me right now.”

You looked up at him through teary eyes. “None of what you are feeling was my intention,” you finished in a whisper.

His eyes searched yours, and you felt his thumb caress your cheekbone. It was unnerving to attempt to bear your soul to him, but you were afraid he would find the lies you were hiding behind.

He embraced you, and you hated how you instantly felt better. True, you were drawing upon real emotions for your performance but you could not fall under the King’s influence like you had before. You had to keep a steady head no matter how intoxicating it was to receive such affection and support.

“All is forgiven, and will get easier with time,” he whispered right into your ear and you found yourself hugging back just a bit harder.

You pulled away, and held each other in your arms. You wanted to kiss him, but you knew you must keep him just like this – at an arm’s distance.


	9. the meaning's thin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may or may not have noticed that I finally figured out to reply to comments! I will continue to do so in the future, and apologies to anyone I may have missed way back when
> 
> This is the last sort of set up we have before some big drama unfolds! wuh ohhhhhhhh

It was the day before your sister’s imminent arrival and everything was a buzz. You found the halls of the castle seemed more alive with the pitter patter of steps, and the shouts of “watch it!” here and there. Everything had been dusted, cleaned, prepped and polished to an obscene level. Ornate family heirlooms and art pieces had been brought out of hiding and decorated the halls and rooms. Even outside the stables had been cleaned and cleared out and the ice garden tended to as well. You’d even spotted Doyle at the entrance to the castle trying to remove some life-ending icicles from where they hung.

You smiled as you descended the stairs for the kitchen, smelling the rich stews and smoking meat. Food in Deigh was much heavier, heartier than back home and you had taken to it very quickly.

Many fae bustled and moved around the kitchen in a hectic manner. Somehow, nobody bumped into each other among the carrying of pots and moving of plates. You weaved your way in and out carefully – not trying to interfere with the delicate balance.

Sitting at the corner of a worn wooden table was Mrs. Girea. She and Eoewn were musing over boxes of stewing, oozing sacs. Black sludge was leaking onto the table and spilling onto the floor. As you approached, you were engulfed in a putrid, sulfur smell.

“Good day Mrs. Girea,” you managed to huff out.

Glancing up, the pair moved into action and Eoewn carried the dripping boxes elsewhere.

“Mairead, I _was_ expecting you m’lady - I apologize that I am not more prepared. Eoewn and I were discussing,” and she gestured to the boxes of mysterious sludge pockets.

“I see. What are these?” You asked exasperated.

Mrs. Girea tried to give you a smile, and you could see her floundering for a response. It was Eoewn who cut in.

“They’re a means of protection,” he replied curtly.

You hummed in agreement, “Yes I can see that.. what do they do?”

The pair looked between themselves, and then back at you.

You put your hand up, “I apologize, if my mate’s instructions were to keep me out of this then that is where I shall stay.”

Startled by your stark revelation, they scrambled to appease you.

“No m’lady, it’s not that, we just did not want to upset you, that’s all!”

“Why would this upset me?”

“Well, these are.. for protection in case of attack. In case something comes for our realm.”

Your heart sank as you realized they were referring to the summer realm. In case they attacked.

“I see,” you said. You were sure your face was white as a ghost.

“It will stun and stall your enemy, in case there’s a threat.” Mrs. Girea replied.

Eoewn piped in, “It’s a new invention, but we are hoping it will work if needed.”

“I’m sure it will Eoewn, it’s your best one yet. I hope we don’t need it,” Mrs. Girea finished with a dismissive nod of her head.

Eoewn nodded and attempted to carry the crates away.

“Let you help you!” You interjected as he faltered with the crates. He meekly smiled back as you followed him to the storage area.

When you returned, Mrs. Girea had cleaned and set out many maps upon the table. You took the seat beside her and she began to point out prospective old mines for the test site.

After several hours of deliberation you had determined two locations that seemed like they might actually work. For the first time since your arrival you had a new sense of purpose and belonging. While you were trying your best not to think about it, you could maybe see yourself building a life here – should you be forced to do so.

You wanted to ask Mrs. Girea about the past, about everything that had been before. But you weren’t sure that she wouldn’t run straight to the King. Instead you attempted to gain insight on a more recent issue.

“Mrs. Girea, was my behaviour at council unusual?” You tried to keep it casual, picking at a nonexistent scratch on your finger.

She stopped midsentence and you could see a frown make its way onto her face. She turned her head to look at you.

“Unusual how, m’lady?”

You struggled to find the correct way to phrase it.

“Unusual.. not like.. not like before.” You answered quietly.

She let out a quiet ah and began to ponder. You sat beside her in quiet contemplation. This was still weighing heavy on your mind.

“Perhaps I am speaking out of turn, but you needn’t compare everything to the past, Mairead.”

The shock was clear on your face as you snapped your head towards her. You wanted to ask how she knew, how she could extract the exact cause of worry from your head.

A warm smile grew on her face, “Let you make some tea, and we can chat about what’s on your mind.”

Five minutes later a steaming mug was between your hands, warming up the ever lingering chill in your fingers. You hadn’t drank tea very often at home, the drink of choice there was always a cold cordial. The earthy smell of the tealeaves were very soothing to your tired mind.

“I suppose I thought everything would just be like it was, on my return,” was your starting point.

You wanted to confine in someone desperately of your lack of memory, but she was after all a subject, servant of the King. With your sister’s arrival so imminent you couldn’t risk loose lips sinking your escape ship.

“It’s understandable that you would want to put the past behind you and forget some bad memories,” she replied with a nod.

“I’m not sure how I should move on then.”

“Well you can’t deny what’s happened, and if the King is acting in a way that makes you feel like he wants you to, well you need to sternly remind him dear.”

You nodded, keeping you gaze on your tea.

“Did my return cause speculation, Mrs. Girea? Has it caused unnecessary trouble?”

She smiled and took your hand, “Are you referring to your family? Oh we can handle them. No.. no we all knew it wasn’t a matter of if but when. I was keeping your dresses fresh for weeks just in case.”

With the subject of family, a floodgate of questions had popped into your mind. You shuffled through them, trying to pick out the one that would sound the least suspicious.

“He loves you, dear. But you needn’t me to remind you. It’s as clear as the mark on your arm. Don’t worry about this readjustment period – you and he will find your rhythm once more.”

With a pat on your hand she began to busy herself around the kitchen, and you tried to plaster a smile on your face that conveyed her reassuring was helpful.

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Girea. And thank you for your hospitality this evening. If you don’t mind, I will retire with this as I know the Master will be returning soon.”

“Of course m’lady. Give a ring should the two of you require anything.”

“Why is your council currently procuring goods for the battle field?” You’d spent five minutes trying to think of a casual way to breach the subject but had given up.

He hadn’t returned from whatever affairs had kept him that day until long past the dinner hour. At that point you had already washed and retired into bed, leaving a few candles lit for when he would enter. You had drifted off with a hand in your book when you felt the bed dip and his arms had pulled you into the expanse of his chest. Most likely he had thought you were already in a deep slumber.

His arms around you tightened, and you heard the rustle of bedsheets as his beard nuzzled your face.

“Hmm. What’s that?” He said as he started to press kisses behind your ear. His distraction almost worked. The barest of tingles was starting to make their way down your spine. If you didn’t persist, you knew what would be the result of his hand currently travelling south on your body.

You laughed and rolled over to face him. “Come now, tell me what’s going on.”

He sighed and propped himself up on one elbow.

“I suppose I’m a little worried about your sister’s visit, nothing new.”

Your eyes stared into his for a long moment.

“I don’t think that’s it.” You replied quietly. Your heart sped as you challenged him, and you weren’t sure why. Maybe you were growing tired of playing pretend, or maybe it was because a part of you believed you would soon have the upper hand anyways.

“With all the issues it’s not absurd to think that one side may become agitated enough to attack, is it?”

The hair on the back of your neck prickled.

“Ye-es. Over, over this?” You gestured between the two of you. Sure, you had been kidnapped once, at the most twice. But nobody had died - that you knew of. Although every now and again a terrorizing thought would rip through you in the dead of night about a frozen Tenen. Unmoving eyes stuck forever on his jolly but scared face, tinged blue from -

“They’ve been started over much less,” he replied sardonically.

You shook your head.

“No, there’s something else you’re not telling me. Our first day on the horse, you told me that taking me would never cause a war. Were you lying?”

“I’ve not lied to you Mairead.” He said stonily.

You pushed his propped elbow back and hooked your leg around his hips. In a moment you were straddling him with your sandy hair draping over his face. You placed a chaste kiss on his nose, and then pressed your nose against his.

“Please tell me what’s going on,” you said, blinking your eyelashes mere breaths away from his.

You attempted to lighten his mood. Gorgeous green eyes peered into yours. You hated the butterflies you felt in your stomach just from being near to him. You hated the way looking into his eyes made you feel so stripped and yet so seen. 

A gentle hand reached up and began to methodically brush your hair back over your shoulders. His lips pursed and he pressed a phantom kiss to your mouth.

“Nothing’s wrong, honey.” Came his reply.

Your heart sank and your veins felt like lead. He was lying to you. You knew it; it was in his voice and you trusted your gut feeling that something was wrong.

“Nothing’s wrong, and you’ve never lied to me.”

You repeated his words and then flipped over. In a moment he had alienated himself from you and made you despise yourself for your foolish display. He was a manipulator and you had to get out.


	10. the otherness came

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my goodness! I did not plan for an update to take this long so my sincerest apologies. This is definitely the most edited chapter so far, lots of rewriting to set the stage for what is to come. the good news is the next four chapters are done, they just need some editing themselves. love your love! happy herzog week

“I think we can all agree that tensions and nerves are running high today. Let us lean on each other when we need to, and remember that our own feelings have no bearings on affairs nor outcome.”

Mrs. Girea punctuated her address with a curt nod of her head and a stern look in her eye. Today was the day of your sister’s arrival, and with her she was expected to bring many members of the summer court. As such, the entire staff was assembled in the grand hall to receive their marching orders. Mrs. Girea started giving a run-down of the day’s events and your mind started to wander as you gazed around the room. Everyone was huddled around her in a crowd, and some had perched upon chaises or stood on ledges to get a better view. Shoes were shined, shirts pressed and not a single lock of hair was out of place among anyone. You’d never seen any of the staff in such formal attire. Back home, servants and staff had one outfit, sparklingly formal, that was worn at all times. Here it seemed they had been allowed to wear what they please most days.

You heard a long sigh from beside you and out of habit you took the King’s hand. His stress was rolling off of him in waves, and even though the visitors had not arrived yet he was already doing his best to keep you at his side. You surveyed him next, dressed just as formal as you were. The black armor-like-shirt was back, and he had an exorbitant white fur cape draped over his shoulders. His mess of dark curls looked more defined and his beard looked trimmed. He still looked handsome, and rugged, but in a very clearly controlled way.

His eyes flicked to yours and caught you staring. He smiled and returned his gaze forward, but bent down to your level so only you could hear.

“You look lovely, Mairead.” He mused and you gave him a soft smile as a thank you.

You were adorned in a deep red silk gown. The fit was tight and hugged your figure. There was simple beading along the chest and end of the sleeves, and it had a sparkle when it caught in the light. You liked everything about it except for the fact that the only thing you could do in it with ease was sit or stand. The ends of the dress had a slight trail so if you weren’t careful while walking you would trip on it. It was a gorgeous yet inconvenient design flaw and you couldn’t help but think that King Hozier had done it on purpose. The first time you tried it on you thought about outright refusing to wear it, but the look on the King’s face, as well as everyone in his court.. you enjoyed seeing them smile for once.

But now thinking back on your choice and it seemed foolish. Very foolish indeed.

When the announcement came that the royal procession was arriving, everyone gathered in a receiving line at the second gate of the castle. It had been some time since you’d been involved in a royal reception and you had almost forgotten how absurd it all felt when you weren’t doing it regularly. Down below you could see the horses and carriages of the summer court make their way up the winding and icy roads. The streets were quiet with no villagers in sight. You imagined they were watching in awe or terror behind frosted panes of glass.

The flashes of orange, pink and purple became more visible with every turn of the road as they drew closer. Seeing the colours of your homeland drew on such a feeling of nostalgia and happiness that you were almost knocked over. You hadn’t realized how homesick you had been until you saw the colours that reminded you of long days, quiet sunsets and wisteria in the breeze. You smiled, enjoying the warm feeling that made its way through your body.

You could now hear the procession as they approached. The King drew you in at his side, snaking an arm around your waist. Inwardly you were annoyed. You both knew they were coming here because he had abducted you from your homeland. Why pretend it was anything else but that?

Glancing around you saw the worried faces as everyone looked to be holding their breath. You wanted to roll your eyes and tell them to brighten up! It was a royal visit from your family, not the gods of destruction and death.

Horns sounded and the grandest carriage halted in front of you. Your heart leapt in excitement. Your sister’s name was announced as the door opened and there she was. She had always looked lovely in lilac but today she seemed especially radiant. Her long dark locks were slightly waved – as were yours. Entwined you could see tiny purple and blue flowers. Her gown was not one you recognized but you envied it still. It was a light shift that stopped at her thighs and shimmered in the sunlight.

Immediately from stepping out of the carriage you could tell she was cold from the scowl on her face and the way her hands drew around herself. When she saw you, she immediately stopped.

“My darling!” She exclaimed as she approached you, engulfing you in a massive hug. Your eyes welled and you quickly told yourself to reign in your emotions.

Her eyes scanned your body as she pulled away, most likely assessing for damage.

“I’ve missed you,” you replied and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She squeezed your body again.

“As have I, is all well with you?”

Her blatancy seemed to annoy the King.

“Yes, o-of course. I’ve been so well taken care of,” you smiled and looked around you to assess whether you had appeased his court.

There was an awkward pause, and Damhnait released you and seemed to remember proper protocol.

“King Hozier, thank you so very much for agreeing to receive me at Deigh to discuss the upcoming harvest. I so look forward to this visit.”

The King bowed, “As do I, your highness.”

There was another awkward pause. Mrs. Girea filled it and announced that libations would soon be served in the main lounge. Damhnait’s attention had turned to you once more and you both stared at each other happily.

Before you could begin your first step towards the interior of the castle, the King’s outstretched arm blocked your path.

Smiling, you murmured a quiet thank you and took his arm. He gestured to your sister to go first, and arm in arm you followed behind her. As you fixated on the bottom of your sisters dress, watching it swirl and blow in the winter wind something caught in your throat. For the first time since arriving you were genuinely missing home.

Before your sister’s arrival he had almost convinced you that this had been your world. But he was wrong – your sister and your family had been your world. And now that she was here everything suddenly felt so wrong. More than that, you missed your freedom when you were confronted with its absence.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Pleasantries were exchanged over extravagant chaises until it was time for dinner. As with custom, only the very high and noble fae were granted a seat at the royal table. Everyone else was in the grand hall, while the important players were in a private dining room tucked behind the throne.

The dark wood walls were adorned with great tapestries depicting important battles and coats of armor. In the centre of the room hung a great chandelier of exposed woods and dripping candles. It was a gorgeous room with fine silver and gold tableware and yet your heart was filled with homesickness. Where were the vases of fresh flowers? And windows open to the sweet summer breeze? You felt like the walls were closing in on you and could barely stomach any food served.

If the King noticed something was off in your behaviour, he didn’t outwardly show it. You could feel his lingering gaze on your every so often as he engaged in conversation. Your sister had brought some dignitaries of her own but you couldn’t remember or place them. They did not attempt conversation with you – nobody did. Perhaps it was clear enough that you were being held against your will.

After many courses and rounds of drink, the conversation naturally died down.

“You have such a grand establishment, King Hozier,” my sister said from behind where she was toying with her goblet.

“That’s quite the compliment coming from someone with your taste. Cheers your highness, a drink to your good health.”

Everyone raised their cups and murmured in agreement.

Your sister waved her hand, visibly pushing the well wishes away.

“Everyone is so kind, but I don’t need anymore luck or wishes. I have everything I need,”

You felt like the smile on your face would break you, it was so, so good to have your sister back.

“Which is why I am so happy I was able to come here to announce that I am to wed before the end of the year!” Damhnait clasped her hands in a happy squeal as she glanced around to take in the reactions of the table.

The smile on your face went stale while the entire table broke out in surprised gasps and delighted cheers. Your sister was holding on to the hand of the man to her right, a noble fae who you hadn’t paid much attention to until now. He was handsome with petite features. He gave everyone at the table a shy smile and nod as he turned to thank them for their well wishes.

Beside you the King let out a long huff of air that turned into a happy laugh.

“I am surprised but delighted. I thought the purpose of your visit was to discuss the upcoming harvest?”

Your sister clapped her hands.

“Oh yes! No that is also true. We need to discuss volume and timing of shipments as hosting a royal wedding will leave little surplus on our side.”

The King and your sister broke into lively discussion back and forth, solidifying the plans that were already in place. She hadn’t really come here to discuss the harvest after all, or to save you it seemed. It was all an extravagant affair to reveal she was going to be wed. 

“I just hope we are fortunate enough for a bond as loving as my sister’s. To your continued happiness,” she said as she lifted her goblet in your direction.

Despite your inner turmoil you plastered a quick smile and giggled as you raised your glass as well.

It seemed that the rest of the table had suddenly remembered that you were there.

“Lady Mairead, how have you been since your return?” Inquired one of the summer noble fae.

You felt sweat drip down your back as you had no idea how to respond. Was he genuinely asking or was this an attempt to gather intelligence for your father?

“I am very well, thank you for asking.” You attempted for a vague yet happy reply. You were well, you just weren’t so happy about being abducted to a different territory.

“Is everything at Deigh to your liking? To your memory?” He continued to press.

A simple answer would not suffice for him.

“Oh, even better than I remember. Such gorgeous winters and snow here.”

When everyone’s faces fell at the same time, you knew you had done something wrong. The King himself seemed to stiffen and sit up straight. You peered at him but his gaze was focused on his plate in front of him.

“T-that’s so great to hear..” the man trailed off quietly.

You could not read all of the emotions that were on your sister’s face, but she too was upset. You wanted to ask what was wrong but you were exhausted and did not care. The entire conversation had been boring and mentally draining.

“Sir, I do regret to interrupt but Saoire is requesting to speak with you immediately. It is urgent.”

Puzzled, the King apologized and followed the servant who had appeared in the doorway just moments ago. In an attempt to compensate for your previous screw up, you addressed your sister.

“So, have you chosen a date?” You asked faking excitement in your voice.

Damhnait started to ramble on about choosing a date, and then flowers, and gowns, and with every word your blood boiled. Here she was, worried about planning a wedding under a tight timeframe when you were trying to remember if you had consented to marry.

How had you ended up mated and married before her? You almost laughed at the thought. She was so desperate for it.. this was not a side of your sister you had ever seen. You and she had never spoken about suitors or marriage or anything of the sort. You both had had more important things on your mind.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, and even more sorry with the news I bear. But these matters must be attended to and I am leaving at once.”

Surprised, you turned around to face the King who had re-entered to address the table. He looked grim but was trying to cover it up with a fake smile.

He looked at you, and you stood, assuming you were to accompany him.

“Mairead, take care of our guests in my absence.”

With that he left and you felt your cheeks heat. That was the goodbye?

“I-I will be right back,” you said to the table and then scurried off to find the tall and pissed off man.

He was practically running through the halls but you caught up with him as he was taking the stairs two at a time. You were scrambling to pull up the trails of your dress so you could keep up with his pace.

“Wait a moment! What’s going on?” You whispered as loud as you could. The sounds of his heavy boots on the stone did not stop.

“Is everything alright? Where are you going?” You hissed after him and he turned on his heel to face you. You slammed into his chest and immediately your hands flew to soothe your head.

“Why do you care? What do you want?” He was annoyed.

Exasperated you replied, “Uh many things. To know where you’re going, what’s going on, that you’re alright?”

“First, I want to know why you are lying.” His voice was icy and he crossed his hands over his chest.

“Lying?” You couldn’t hold back the confusion and accusation in your voice. You had no idea what he was on about.

“You hate winter. I know that, and so does anyone in any given realm because you never shut up about it. You never have. So why did you lie?”

He grasped your chin in his fingers, peering into you as if he could search your eyes and find the source of your lie. You batted his hand away from you.

“B-because I was trying to assure everyone that I was okay! That I was not kidnapped! They think you have done something wrong and I was just trying to…” You trailed off. You did lie, but you were doing it for him – kind of.

He looked at you, face stony and saddled with distaste.

“No.. you always used to say ‘I hate winter, but I love him’. It was your go-to line. But you did not say it.”

The anger of the day finally caught up with you. You ground your nails into your palm and tried very hard not to shout, mindful of the guests downstairs.

“Why are you so fixated on the past!?” Every word came out like a hiss.

His mouth popped open into a little ‘o’ and you could see the puzzled expression on his face.

“It will never be the same. You can’t expect these things of me. Everything is different, is changed. I cannot ignore it nor can I just go back to the way I was. No matter how much I **want** to -”

You struggled to breathe but you couldn’t suck down any air. You were admitting out loud the truths that had been haunting you both. And whether or not you wanted to be here, with him _right now_ you couldn’t deny that something had happened between you. And something else unknown had happened that had changed it forever – and you would never ever know the kind of happiness or love that you may have known before. You desperately wanted those memories, or that memory back -if they existed in the first place.

Being at constant war with yourself had taken its toll, and the moment you had begun to fight for your breath the King pulled you in his arms and started squeezing you so tight.

“I feel like you can’t love me as I am unless I become who I was before. And I will never be her again,” you wailed into his chest, pounding your fists. You were angry at so many things, but the biggest thing you were angry at was yourself. You felt broken and wrong and not put together.

You pulled away and gazed up into his eyes, trying to make him understand.

“This is all I am now,” you whispered quietly.

He shook his head and pulled you back into his chest, hugging you fiercely.

“What’s wrong with me? I’m a fool, a terrible idiot. You are enough. You are everything.” He rocked you back and forth.

He didn’t realize that you had inconspicuously confided in him of your secret - but it felt so good. All these tiny insecurities felt lighter with his forgiveness, even if he didn’t know what he was forgiving. Despite the fact that you had no clue what had transpired in the past, in a past life, his behaviour to you had always been kind.

You calmed and were able to regain composure. You looked up at him, feeling the way he held you in his arms so tenderly. His gaze and the look in his eyes was nothing less of true devotion. He traced your jaw with his fingertips as you both spent the moment breathing together.

You closed your eyes and tried to calm the buzzing in your head and forget your sister’s annoying happiness downstairs. You wanted to pretend again with him. To forget the things you didn’t know, the things that should affect the way you felt about him – but didn’t.

“I have to go because I am concerned with the welfare of my people. There have been certain events happening that lead me to think there is unrest. I did not confide in you because I suppose I wanted to paint my realm in a certain light. But when I shut you out I trapped you in the past, like you pointed out. Forgive me.”

His confession felt like lead in your stomach.

“Will you be safe?”

“I hope so. I wish I could go into more detail, but we haven’t the time.”

You let out a long exhale. Some answer was better than no answer. And his apology was more than you’d hoped for, or expected. It seems Mrs. Girea’s suggestion had been right.

“Before you go, can you do for me one thing?”

He looked puzzled and you dragged him further down into one of the many twisting hallways. When you found an alcove that was slightly secluded you pulled him in and forced your mouth upon his. He reciprocated immediately and held tightly to one of your hips as the other thread through the back of your neck.

“Gods, you’re insatiable,” he growled as he deepened the kiss. You smirked into it. You couldn’t help that you wanted more of him – you couldn’t deny that the chemistry, the sexual energy had always been there. He was about to leave and you wanted to pretend again. Leaning into his version of events and seeing your relationship through his eyes was easier than punishing yourself for wanting something wrong that just felt so right.

“Would it help if I said please?” You said to him, mockingly.

He paused and pulled away slightly. Your kiss-swollen lips pouted up at him in confusion. His hands found your breasts and began running over the silky material. You closed your eyes and let out a long breath and heard the unmistakable sound of fabric ripping. You looked down to see that he had ripped the front of your dress open and your breasts were now completely exposed.

“It would help if you begged for it,” he replied back matter-of-factly. The noise you let out was a mix of a gasp and a moan. His words sent shivers down your spine and into your core, making you more aware of the heat between your legs. You pulled his torso back onto your frame, trying to shield yourself from the indecent exposure. You hooked up the dress skirt until it was at your hips. King Hozier backed you into the corner, and then pulled your ass onto the ledge of the window.

You were both panting heavily and did not break eye contact as he removed his length from his trouser. He ran his hands up and down, and looking at it you felt yourself clench at the mere sight of it.

You moved your hand out to touch it and he backed a step away. You frowned, and then blinked your eyelashes in realization.

“Really?” You said annoyed. “Aren’t you on a short timeframe here?”

He raised his eyebrow and began to conceal himself once more.

“No! Ugh. Fine. Please fuck me.” You said through almost pursed lips.

“You can do much better than that.”

Your skin tingled, silently pleased that he was making you work for it.

You tried again, this time sweeter. “Please, will you fuck me? I need you.”

He pointed to the ground and raised his eyebrows, as almost to say ‘here?’

“Yes. Right here, right now.”

He stepped towards you again, and hooked one of your legs around his waist.

His lips brushed your ear as he said “Don’t you care if someone sees you? Finds you like this?”

“No. I need you,” you repeated, noticing the way your skin jumped when he spoke.

He hummed a reply as he pushed your undergarments to the side and you could feel him pressing at your entrance. You tried to push your hips forward but he nipped your ear in retaliation.

You let out a high pitched whine. “Please just fuck me fast and fuck me hard. I could care less about our guests downstairs, I just need you inside me and I need this.”

“How right you are..” he replied.

Your words may have sounded garbled but they worked and in a moment he was inside you. There was the pain of not being prepared but once you relaxed it was gone. The immediate relief flooded your veins with pleasure and you let out a happy moan.

The King did as you asked and began a relentless pace. He was holding you up by the insides of your thighs and you knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. The sound of your breathing being forced out of you mixed with his grunts was all you could hear in the hall, even though your ears were strained and listening for something else.

You suddenly thought to all the guests downstairs and how easy it would be for them to find you. In a small part of your mind you wanted them to find you, to see you like this with the King. This is what made you feel better, feel worthy after a long dinner full of nothing. The way you and he were together was so powerful. You had never felt better.

His eyes found yours and in the midst of a heavy exhale you heard him breathlessly say, “Mine.”

It made something tighten in your stomach, they felt like butterflies.

You flung your arms around his neck and tried to pull him closer with every thrust. You would be sore from this tomorrow and would be so thankful for it. Quietly your little ‘yes yes yes’ started to build in his ears and a slew of filthy promises were made on his behalf. Your vision of the hallway became blurred and there felt like there was stardust behind your eyes.

His thrusts became sloppier and he pulled back on your hair, exposing your neck to his. Finally, he pushed himself deeper and bit down hard on your neck which muffled the sound of his groan. You felt the sting of his bite but were incredibly content at the thought of another mark to bear. Another sign of his claim on you – proving where you belonged. Proving that you mattered. You tilted your head back to rest against the window and listened to the steady sound of his breath rushing out in warm waves upon your skin.

He kissed your forehead, your nose and then your mouth. Pulling out, he took notice of your shredded clothing. He look annoyed, like he forgot he was the one who did it.

“Mairead, I want you to head straight to our room now and change. Understood? Be quick like never before. Be seen by no one.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his request.

“Yes, your highness.” You responded.

He gave you a weary smile. You took his hand.

“My mate,” you amended softly.

Taking your head in both of his hands, he promised to return immediately. Your parting kiss was tender yet brief and in the next instant you were watching him leave in the direction of the stables.

“I don’t hear footsteps!” He barked before he turned the corner.


	11. we should run away

After you returned to your room the previous night to change, you found you had no desire to succumb to the party. You felt the familiar pang of guilt at the thought of being a bad, unhospitable host. But you hoped under the circumstances of duress it would be forgiven.

The next morning you dressed in quiet solitude. Your mind was torn between worrying about the King and worrying about how to occupy your guests today – without him. You prayed and hoped that Mrs. Girea and the staff had long figured everything out before anyone arrived. If the already laid out garments were any indication it seemed like the day had been perfectly planned. The top was a silky cream chiffon shirt with long sleeves and ruffles at the wrist and shoulders. Matching in the same colour was a long skirt, with thin and narrow pleats.

Smells of food wafted from the main dining room where everyone was most likely gathered for breakfast. You knew you would have to give some kind of address, to the King’s whereabouts and how the day would proceed without him. Such deep thought commanded your utter concentration and you didn’t notice a figure approaching from the shadows.

“Finally! Where have you been Mairead?”

You hand flew to your chest as you jumped in shock at the appearance of your sister. She had materialized from some nook or corner, where she had been obviously waiting for you. She was still wearing the same lilac dress as the day before and her hair was frizzled and distraught. She continued on, unaware she had frightened you.

“I tried looking for you all night but couldn’t find you and had no idea where they were keeping you. We need to hurry if we’re going to leave undetected.”

“Leave?” The hairs on your arm stood up in shock.

“Yes, leave! The thing you and I are about to do on a horse.” She simulated riding a horse with fake reins in her hands, a jovial smile upon her face.

The look of utter shock and surprise on your face clearly irked her. She grabbed you by the shoulders.

“I’m getting you out of here, Mairead. Yay!! You should be happy?”

You started to nod your head vigorously as her words seeped through her hands into your arms.

“So you _are_ here to rescue me! That whole marriage thing was a total ruse then?”

She let out a quick laugh and ducked her head back. “Ah, no that part is real actually.” She said as she began to turn towards the main room. You grabbed her wrist.

“Pardon?? I left – what – a week ago? Maybe a little more.. and now you’re ENGAGED? Betrothed!? Did Father set this up?”

She swatted her hands against you.

“No no no! This has been going on for some time, me and him. I just think that your.. departure really put the pressure on some things. Aaand now I’m engaged.”

“I get kidnapped and you get engaged?” You deadpanned.

“Basically. Let’s go!”

Your sister was in her usual high spirits despite perhaps not having slept all night. But you thought back to the conversation you had the night before with the King. How could you leave now when you both had finally made some headway?

“Damhnait – wait,” you said and pulled her back into the shadows of the hallway. You could hear footsteps and smell the food in the rooms beyond. Everyone’s attention was momentarily captured and you did not want to have this conversation out in the open.

“Wait why?” She asked.

You took in a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain your confliction. But you had just said out loud that you had been kidnapped, hadn’t you? Didn’t he also insinuate the same thing? Finally, you remembered a crucial piece of information. Something you hadn’t had the last time at Fallow, when you were questioning her in the gardens.

“Is this the first time I’ve been here, in this castle?”

You really wanted to ask her if this was the first time you were kidnapped, but you feared it might let on that you knew more than you did. Or, that you suspected you used to know a lot more than you did. And despite the fact that she was your sister, and that you loved her.. you still didn’t trust her. You still didn’t trust him.

Her expression was puzzled, and she crossed her arms and looked at you as if trying to discern the true meaning of your question.

“For parties and events and the sort before, yeah. Why?”

“It’s just that.. the King treats me like an old friend. Like he and I have known each other more intensely than I remember.”

She shook her head slowly. “Don’t be swayed by him, Mairead. He’s a sick man.”

You gave her a pointed look. “He’s been nothing but generous to me. He seems to wish me no harm, in fact –”

“Stop. No.” Your sister said with a coldness you didn’t recognize that registered like a slap across your face. Your mouth hung open in shock.

“Mairead, you don’t know what you are talking about, or anything about him for that matter. As your sister and future Queen I demand that you accompany me back home.”

You took a steadying breath to calm your initial anger. She was worried about you, and was obviously trying to do whatever she could to ensure your safety

“I will come with you, but not until the King returns. There are some things I wish to ask the both of you.”

“No, we have to leave now.”

She grabbed your arm again, and as you pulled once more she turned on you.

“I’m your sister and it’s my job to keep you safe from him. You are coming home with me.”

“Safe from WHAT?” You managed to garble out. She gave a frustrated groan of annoyance but her eyes drew to slits and a determination washed over her features.

“Have you ever asked the King how he acquired the throne?”

Her voice was stern, and you could tell she was doing everything to control the anger that was just below the surface in her voice.

You shook your head at her question, “King Grior died, and so then-“

“You naïve idiot,” she seethed. “Have you fallen for his lies so quickly?” The venom in her voice and desperation in her eyes was unsettling to you. You were startled and could feel your whole body begin to shake at this confrontation.

“King Grior did not die, Mairead. King Hozier killed him.”

Her words kicked you in the gut, stealing all the air from your lungs and blurring your vision. The blood in your veins froze and then your breath returned in threefold time. Patricide? Had the King really killed his own Father?

“What?” You croaked out. Your voice was a faltering whisper. “Why would he do that – kill his own Father?”

Damhnait scoffed at your reaction.

“Is there anything I can possibly say that would justify murder to you, Mairead? It’s becoming evident how important it is I get you home as soon as possible.”

Your pulse raced and head throbbed as you tried to decipher the new information. Was Dahmnait lying? There was no way to be sure but it all added up. Why your parents would refuse his wedding invitation, why you weren’t allowed to visit here or anywhere, and why they didn’t want him to find you. He was a murderer, a disgusting excuse of a King. You felt just as dumb as Damhnait had said you were for admiring him in any way.

It didn’t matter what you felt for him, or thought you felt for him anymore. You were wrong. Everything was wrong. You were confused and lost once again.

“I’m so sorry,” your sister said as she wiped the tear that was running down your cheekbone. You were holding in your breath, afraid that if you let it out you would let everything out, and fall apart.

“Just try to keep composure for a little bit longer. We don’t want to alert anyone before we have fled. I am going to go get the horses and I’ll bring them to the second gate. Do you think you can make your way there and manage navigating through the village?”

You took a shuddering breath and nodded. You had only been there once, but you knew you could navigate the winding and icy roads. They all led out anyways.

“Okay,” she said with a kiss to your forehead and then she was gone.

You shoved the inner turmoil back down. There would be lots of time for the thoughts to paralyze and occupy your mind once you were safe on a horse – once you escaped. And you had to. You no longer trusted Hozier, or his intentions for you. The trust he’d steadily been building was gone, as was your previous view of him.

Exiting out the main gate was not going to happen. You’d no idea what instructions the members of his court were under to keep you here. If you attempted any of the side doors, you would have to pass through the many hallways around the dining rooms and surely be spotted. You pivoted, debating heading back upstairs and climbing down a window before you remembered the kitchen.

Your heart took off at the same pace of your feet as you made your way to the hidden back staircase to descend to the basements. When you stepped off of the last step, the darkness greeted you. There were no windows in the basement. You grabbed a candlestick off of the wall holder and used it to illuminate your escape.

As everyone was eating, the kitchen was completely deserted and you knew there was an exit door used for when shipments arrived. The soft scuttle of your shoes on the stones immediately reminded you of a previous candlelight exit. You had narrowly avoiding slamming your thigh in the corner of a large table when you saw the door. Your steps slowed a bit as you tried to calm your erratic breathing.

“M’lady?”

You whipped around to see Mrs. Girea approaching from the shadows. It was clear she had been waiting for you, or guarding the door. Or both.

“Yes Mrs. Girea,” you said, annoyance clipped in your voice. Why had you stopped to face her? You should bolt, run immediately you screamed at yourself.

She held out her hands, and you could see she was holding your fur cloak.

“It’s chilly today,” was all she said, not making eye contact as she approached you. You felt a lump in your throat realizing she was not going to stop you, but aid you. A final kindness.

You set down the candlestick as she helped you put it on.

“Won’t you -” you tried to ask her as she tied the front velvet pieces into a bow.

“No, not at all.”

You weren’t sure if she was implying she wouldn’t get in trouble, or that she wouldn’t get caught. You were grateful either way.

“Thank you,” you tried to put force behind your words, tried to convey just how much this meant to you.

She nodded and turned away to return to the guests upstairs. Her kindness had startled you and you almost wanted to call out to her to apologize. But she knew what the King had done and still chose to support him. She had tried to encourage your relationship. You balled your hands into fists and pushed open the door.

The first peek of your head outside the door was greeted with an icy cold blast of winter wind, but you could not see any guards. You would have a clear shot at leaving. Above you could see the main gates crowded with bodies and protection. There was a chill in the air, but the usual blustering snow was gone. It was a crisp day and the sun was high in the sky. You had a clear view of the second gate, farther down the winding roads and just outside the village.

You started to make your way, mindful of the fact that you were wearing indoor heeled shoes. Very quickly the crunch of the snow made its way into your shoe, and your feet were soaked in minutes. You were grateful for the cloak as its hood kept your sandy blonde curls hidden. Throughout the village you kept your head down and did not make eye contact with anyone. Everyone seemed happy to ignore you as well, going about with their usual business.

The houses you passed were adorable, and you clearly hadn’t been paying any attention the first time you rode through. Multiple stories, with oak lattice and cream coloured exteriors. Every residence had a chimney with great amounts of smoke coming out. It all seemed so charming and homely – so similar to the feeling you had at Fallow. Maybe your sister was right in that you needed to get home as soon as possible – you were starting to imagine a life for yourself here. But how could you ever realistically live among these people?

Damhnait held steadfast to the idea that the Winter and Summer realms were wholeheartedly different. A day or two ago, you would have disagreed. But all of the fae you saw had supported and lived under a King who murdered to ascend the throne. You were sure that if the same thing had happened at home, there would have been an uprising. Perhaps that is why Mrs. Girea helped you. Her own form of silent protest.

Your heart was thrumming and pounding in your chest. At any moment, you expected a shout or cry and to see winter fae charging after you. But it never came and soon you could see the gate. Your sister was slightly to the right of it, keeping a low profile and the two horses hidden from the line of sight.

She engulfed you in a hug as you approached.

“Thank goodness,” She said breathlessly. The feeling was mutual.

“It’s just us? It’s almost a two days journey to the border – and we’ve no protection!”

“Fear not. We will ride through the night – we have the advantage of a head start. And I doubt the King will return to Deigh before nightfall tonight.”

“And if court members notice I’m gone?”

“My betrothed will assure them that you and I are on an extended tour of the castle grounds. It will buy us time.”

There was no more time for questions before Damhnait kicked off and start the journey, her horse kicking up dirt and snow in the wake. You nodded and mounted the horse, following in the brisk trot your sister set.

A few minutes into the journey you realized you had done it. You had actually escaped. In a weird way it felt wrong, and you cursed yourself for even acknowledging those thoughts. The tightness in your chest was still there however. You were sure that any minute he would appear to take you back. You knew that your heart would pound until you had crossed the border. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins no matter how much you tried to steady your breathing.

When you imagined yourself and Damhnait sneaking back into Summer, with no confrontation, the tightness did not dissipate. You were utterly conflicted about him coming after you. Part of you knew it was right, that you should escape and reclaim the freedom that was yours. But the other part of you, the part that you were beginning to hate and detest was desperate for him to come. If he didn’t you were certain you’d feel a pang of sadness forever.

Your sister was wrong about riding through the night however. It was a great idea, but it did not account for the fact that horses needed rest, and food and water.

“Why would Mother and Father forgive the Winter Realm for the war, if King Hozier ascended to the throne by such awful means?”

You broke the silence from the side of the campfire. For once the headstrong and brash Damhnait had seemed content to listen to the crackling of wood and stare at the flame; but you needed answers.

“Hmm?” She said glancing up. You repeated your question, louder.

“They didn’t forgive him for the war,” she said with a tone that implied your learning should have informed you better.

“They merely recognized that the qualm was with the previous King-“

“Who he killed,” you interjected, sourly.

“- and not him. Uh huh, yes.”

You stopped, evaluating her nonchalance about a subject that had moments ago shattered your world. Although you suspected she had had longer to come to terms with it.

“How come you knew that he killed the previous King and not me? I always thought we learned the same histories..”

She gave you a smile that was as equally sad as it was condescending.

“Some things are tender enough that only a few need to know. And while you are a treasured member of the royal family, you will never be royal yourself. Why give you information that would cloud your judgement, make you act out in social settings?”

_Because then I might never have fallen for him in the first place_ , you thought to yourself haughtily.

You didn’t say anything. Damhnait hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, but you had always viewed the two of you as a closed unit. There was nothing she knew that you didn’t, and vice versa. You tried not to let those two instances of her keeping you in the dark sow the seeds of distrust in your head. It was a ridiculous assumption in the first place that you and she would always have equivalent knowledge. She was right in that she was the crown, the most important. After all, she had been the one to rescue you in the end. You couldn’t even get out on your own.

Damhnait came to sit beside you.

“I’m sorry.. I know all of this hurts. But I love you, and we’re all going to be together again soon. Don’t you remember what I said that night, the promise? _Come back to us soon.”_

You let out a long exhale and leaned your head on your sister’s shoulder.

“Yeah and I didn’t come back. I got stuck and you had to come to my rescue – which I am grateful for! Of course. It’s just a lot, that’s all. And… I feel foolish for ever thinking such but..”

Damhnait didn’t try to finish your sentence for you. She’d always been an adept listener.

“I thought I could love him -loved him, but he was withholding information. So I could not have known him let alone love him..”

You trailed off, afraid to make the connection out loud that she had been withholding information too. Because you did still love her despite it all.

“Oh Mairead, I am so responsible here. Forgive me,” She said as she held your head in a close hug, pressing kisses into your hairline.

“I should have protected you better.”

“You’re here now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do we think?! I am very excited for y'all to read the upcoming chapters


	12. shrine of your lies

You barely slept beside the campfire all night. Worry had gotten under your skin, coupled with a burning desire to escape and never see snow again. To put it short: you were paranoid, running on no sleep and restless.

Damhnait assured you that the border would be any minute now. That was seven minutes ago. You couldn’t muster a full breath of air in. Not until the snow was gone and the icy chill of betrayal thawed from your bones. In the summer realm you would melt back into the person you were meant to be. Everything would be a bad experience and you’d be free at last.

There wasn’t much snow on the ground, a clear sign that the summer realm border was near. It already felt slightly milder. Hope was blooming like a light in your chest and every nerve in your body was so tightly clinging to it. The promise of freedom was so close.

But then, like a replay straight from your brain you watched a fog start to gather on the ground. You wanted to scream at Damhnait to run, to go before he got here but you couldn’t breathe – this time of your own accord. She seemed to pick up on the signs and wordlessly kicked into a fast trot. Your horse followed suit and you gripped the mane for dear life.

_Please. Please. Please._

You sent the ancestors prayers and promises. You just had to go, just had to make it a few more steps.

The fog thickened, and ahead through it you could see figures. At least six of them from your first attempt at counting. Damhnait slowed, and moved to steer back the way you came – but you knew his method. When you turned in unison, you were facing the King.

Your heart skipped and fear strangled your throat. You couldn’t breathe. He was in his riding gear. Bare chest, fur vest and brown pants. You stared at his chest, at his pulsing pectoral muscles. You hadn’t mustered enough courage to look him in the eyes.

“Let us pass! You have no claim on her!” Your sister bellowed at the sentries beginning to surround you.

“Mairead, what’s going on?” The King spoke, addressing you and you only. His voice was low, but stern. You finally snapped your head up to meet his gaze and his eyes burned. He was angry, you could tell. But beneath the twisted scowl on his face you could also see confusion. He was trying to quickly figure out if you had left on your own accord or had been stolen from his castle.

You shook your head, unable to form words. You so badly wanted out of this confrontation.

“She wants to go home with me. Let us leave freely - she was never yours anyways.”

The King growled in Damhnait’s direction before facing you again.

“Then she will tell me herself. Why aren’t you speaking – are you alright?” He was addressing you again.

“No,” you responded shakily.

“I shouldn’t have left you.. come ride with me and we’ll be home soon.”

You gripped the reins you were holding to your chest and shook your head again. You could feel yourself starting to hyperventilate.

“You’re not coming home with me?” There was no hiding the despair and shock in his voice. His eyes searched your face as if to ascertain if you were under a spell.

On a quick exhale you replied, “You killed him.”

His face hardened and his mouth drew into a hard line. After a moment he gave a small, saddened nod.

“You didn’t remember that part, I guess?” He responded so quietly.

“More like you conveniently left it out,” chimed in Damhnait.

The King moved his horse to address your sister.

“I think that’s enough out of you – since this whole mess is your fault to begin with.”

His words snapped you out of your impending breakdown. You turned so that you too were facing your sister.

“What now?” You replied quickly.

King Hozier turned to you exasperated.

“Have you not wondered Mairead, why Damhnait seems to recall the same information that I do? Why you can’t seem to remember, and who would have the most to gain because of it?”

Damhnait crossed her arms together and huffed. No flat out denial, no rebuttal of any kind.

“Stop,” you replied to both of them coldly. They turned in unison, faces matched with a quizzical gaze.

“I finally have you both in the same proximity. Both of you tell me the truth, what happened, and I’ll figure out who’s lying.”

“I am your sister!” Cried Damhnait, at the same time the King proclaimed “I am your mate!”

“Yes and so we'd better figure this out! You’ve each accused the other of quite a bit!”

Damhnait approached you on her horse.

“Mairead, please, you must not be fooled by him. He did not even deny killing him – he’s trying to ruin your trust in me so he can have you again.”

“You’re right that I killed him, but you’re still lying,” King Hozier scoffed.

“Why would you kill your own FATHER!” You shouted at him. You could feel the bits and pieces of your heart breaking. How could a man who once held the key to your happiness, who you once wanted to give all your affection to, do something so heinous?

The air was cold and swirling around you in a thick fog. You could barely make out the figure of the King, the look of total rage on his face.

“I never killed my Father, Mairead.”

And just like that, the floor was pulled from under you once again. He had shattered the narrative you had built in your head – why did it seem like you were always _wrong?_ He was incredibly angry, and it scared you. You felt like you didn’t know him anymore but you knew the feelings were misdirected. You didn’t know yourself anymore.

“No. You – you killed King Grior..”

“Aye,” he replied, enunciating every syllable in the slowest way possible.

“King Grior was not King Hozier’s Father, Mairead.” Doyle spoke, appearing from the fog on the King’s right.

“But.. when I..” You spun to face your sister. She hadn’t corrected your assumption when you voiced this to her previously. As you recalled, she merely changed the subject. She didn’t lie, but she didn’t want to give you the truth either it seemed. You tried to make eye contact, but she had a blank and stony look on her face. Her gaze was on the King and you realized in a moment that this was not your fight. Sure, you were caught in the middle of it, but only as a pawn. Her fight was with the King.

Everything tuned out for a moment as a white noise in your ear. You found you had a stomach ache, most likely from the constant stress. You tried to breathe in and out and quiet your mind. You had to examine the information as it had been presented to you, and logically. If you went over everything you were sure that the answer would be in there.

Glancing up, you saw your sister and your ‘mate’ in a heated debate. Every now and then they would glance at you to gauge your reaction. The winner of this contest would take you home but answers for you were not a guaranteed prize.

The only piece of information you were certain of, that you could settle on, was that you could trust no one. Once this realization washed over you it was sobering, and made casting aside your feelings that much easier. It was time to throw away your love for your sister, the guiding hand throughout your childhood. Throw away your love for your mate, the passionate and electric King who sought to ‘free’ you.

You stared down at the hoof prints in the snow. They looked almost like tiny little hearts. You were sure that if you looked hard enough, squinted enough, you would see your heart among them as well. Trampled by the hooves, pounded into the snow.

“Alright, I’ve decided,” you said to them both with an icy nonchalance.

Their attention turned to yours immediately, both unsure who you would pick – and that said it all, really.

You let out an exaggerated sigh, and slid your hands into your pocket.

“When I asked you about the previous King, you very conveniently left out the whole story. Which was, as you’ve admitted, **_murder_**?!”

The King’s face fell and you could see your sister’s smirk out of the corner of your eye.

“And you, you forgot to mention this - ” you ripped the side of one of your sleeves off, and bared the mating mark to your sister.

Her mouth dropped, and she clearly saw or recognized the mark that had been there for god knows how long.

“Mairead – **please**.” The King’s voice was so strained and loud, you could hear it was almost breaking. You turned to look at him, tears forming in your eyes.

“I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. I’m sorry that you didn’t know. It’s hard for me to know what you remember and what you don’t.. But you know me deep down, and you know the love we share. Won’t you please trust in that at least?”

You froze, eyes wide as saucers. You could hear your sister start to chuckle.

“Is _that_ what she told you?” Damhnait watched the King with intent. You wanted to scream at her to shut up. The King looked to you, puzzled by her comment.

“My sister is cleverer than I thought, even if she is quick to pass judgement and accuse me of things I do not know about,” she gestured to your torn shirt sleeve.

You wished you could be anywhere else right now.

“She doesn’t remember anything – if she told you she did it was a lie to help her survive your captivity.”

“How would you know?” He demanded of her.

“Well?” She turned to you.

Your mouth flapped open and closed. You couldn’t say yes or no. How could you explain that you had trusted a feeling deep within you, even if you hadn’t recalled anything?

You didn’t think his disappointment and sadness would level you as much as it did. But the heartbreak was evident and there was nothing you could do to fix it. This was inevitable from the beginning. After all, he had killed someone hadn’t he? And kidnapped you? And yet your stomach twisted knowing that you were the cause of his unhappiness. You cared for him deeply, and wouldn’t be ashamed of that no matter what he had done.

But this was an impossible situation, and you couldn’t trust anyone now.

Your hands found the tiny grey balls in the pocket of your shawl. You had been right to steal them thinking they would come in handy. With one hand on the reins you steered yourself around and away from the group, and threw the balls of sludge over your head as you rode off.

The commotion and yelling of the group was instantaneous, but no thundering hooves followed your escape.

“Mairead! What are you doing!?”

“Please come back m’lady, it’s not safe!!!”

They shouted at you and at each other, but were thankfully stuck in the goo. You smiled to yourself and inwardly thanked Eoewn for such a perfect invention. It didn’t have a name yet, but you thought ‘trapped in their own lies’ had a nice ring to it.

You had no idea how long it would hold for – or how it would stand against the King’s power, so you set off on a course parallel to the border. If you ducked in and out of the summer realm here and there it would erase your tracks in the snow. As long as you were quiet enough on the summer side, nobody would hear you. It seemed like a decent enough plan if you kept at it – and quickly.

Your destination was clear. The Summer and Winter Realms could not be trusted, and therefore you could not seek shelter in either. Thankfully for you, there were two other realms you could beg for asylum. In addition, be provided an account of recent events that was unbiased.

The tightness in your chest, the clenching of the jaw were all gone. You relaxed your hood and let the cool wind breeze whip your face, attempting to soothe the aching in your head. Right now it didn’t matter what the current version of events were, or was because the only thing you could realistically have a handle on was the present. Past and future were out of your hands, but hopefully to be discovered soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo! I was very excited to post this, because it's definitely a different turn for the story than what I originally thought but I'm so pumped for everyone to read it. With christmas holidays, I'm hoping to post frequently. It's just the editing that takes forever I swear.


	13. someone new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick chapter but I am very excited to introduce you to a new character! I love where the story picks up from here.. excited for y'all to read.

Your strategy to dart in and out of boundaries had been working splendidly. You hadn’t run into a soul, and you were confident that you were still on the right path. The path to where? You couldn’t be sure. You knew eventually you would run into something – spring or autumn. You just couldn’t orient yourself enough to remember which was on which side of the kingdoms.

In your head, you were repeating the King’s comments about Summer Fae being obsessed with themselves. He must have been right about that, you mused, for knowing the orientation of the realms seemed like a basic knowledge everyone should have. You pushed a stray hair behind your ear and brought your head closer to the neck of the horse. You were keeping your eye focused on the horizon and what was ahead.

What was ahead only added to the complexities. Once you crossed into the respective realm you would have to navigate your way to the capital city – and you were damned if you’d successfully find it on your own. You prayed to the ancestors for a bit of dumb luck.

The neigh of protest from your horse told you that you needed to give her a break with the pace. You slowed as there was no time to rest. The sun was high in the sky when you made your cunning escape but it was now the twilight hours. Your heart skipped at the idea of stopping for the night. Surely, that was when they’d find you.

You had to push on as long as your horse could – even if that meant into the night.

It was dark in the hour when you noticed the snow on the ground of the Winter Realm, where you had been riding for the past half hour, was getting more and more sparse. If your body hadn’t been screaming with exhaustion you were sure adrenaline would sing in your veins in merry excitement.

As it was, all of your energy had been used many hours ago in the emotional confrontation. Now you just needed to cross into new territory and then camp out. In the new realm you’d be protected under their laws and you were confident that meant no abduction from either your lying family or your murderous mate.

That familiar tinge of magic began to tickle against your fingertips. You knew that you were riding across the border but it was an unfamiliar magical signature. When you crossed into the summer realm you felt a fleeting heat that would rush from your head to your toes. For the winter realm, it felt like charging into an iceberg. The only way to describe this magic was mysterious. Something that lingered and flicked across your skin, whispering that you wanted to dance under a full harvest moon. It was intoxicating and terrifying all at the same time.

There was an all familiar whoosh as magic moved around you until you had abandoned the snow and instead were standing under the boughs of red, orange and yellow leaves. Above, indeed, it was a full moon. The air had a chill to it that came from the wind rustling through the branches. It was eerie. It was the autumn realm.

You were standing on a trodden muddy path in a forest. The path zigzagged through the trees but the boughs were so dense you could barely see the outline of where you were supposed to go. The moon above shone through the bows and barely illuminated the worn in hoof prints that had taken this path many times before you. You horse had stalled, noticing the different surroundings immediately. They were foreign to her as well.

You pushed on at a slower pace. You needed to be careful and stealthy, and watch out for whatever could be lingering in the woods. You pulled the hood of your cloak back over your head. Fear began to creep in and you doubted if this plan had been a good one. Sporadic in-the-moment type things seldom were successful and you struggled to recall any information about the Autumn Realm. What if they were heathens, and their court upheld to strange, barbarian rules? Your stomach turned and the weight of anxiety had returned.

The muddy path began to twist and weave and you braced yourself for what you might encounter past every turn. You would need to camp soon but the dark woods were not an option. You were hoping for a break, perhaps a grassy and open field that you could camp on the outskirts of.

After many minutes and silent moments of sweat-trickling anticipation you saw a clearing ahead. You could see your large exhale fog in the air and you started to rub at the horse’s neck. Together you had done it and in the morning everything would be bright and safe and feel so much better.

Your horse whinnied and you turned your attention to glance up at the path ahead. In the clearing a group had gathered. They had materialized out of thin air, like you’d seen so many times before. Adrenaline that you’d assumed your body was long out of began coursing once more. At this point it made you feel nothing but sick, but you tried to gather the strength to fight once more. You had not come all this way to fail.

You stopped altogether and the group began to approach you. Why was it every time you went for a horse ride you were mysteriously accosted? Your frustration was fogging up your brain. Surprisingly, you recognized the man leading the group and even knew his name.

“Faolan?” You called out meekly.

As he stepped into the moonlight you were sure it was him. His high cheekbones and short spiky red-orange hair poked at your memory. His cat-like eyes were a bright green, unlike anything you had ever seen before or could ever forget. A pale orange cape covered his body entirely and you recognized the emblem for the autumn court in a deep purple surrounded by pale green vines. He was wearing his crown which would indicate official court business. You admired the way the pointedness of each hoop mimicked the point of fallen leaves. It was dazzling and effortless, as if a heap of argentite leaves had perfectly fallen upon his heads

“Yes, Mairead. I was wondering when you’d arrive. I will have you know you’ve kept me waiting for quite a while, dear.” He spoke loudly enough but without being aggressive.

You floundered. “You were expecting me?”

“Yes. King Hozier sent word hours ago that a beautiful, yet very emotionally unstable royal member of Summer court might be gracing me with a visit.”

Your face visibly soured and twisted into a scowl. Of course he had predicted your move and he had sent his royal friend to pick you up and drop you back off. There might be tensions between Summer and Winter, but it seemed Autumn was on his side. Perfect.

“I won’t be returned to him, or my family.” You called out haughtily.

Glancing over your shoulder, you saw the tree branches had bent and twisted to completely block your path. It looked like a wall made out of bark.

“I assumed as much. You can follow me back to Ferlach and we will discuss whatever it is you want to discuss.”

He gestured to you with a dismissive wave and began to turn his entire royal party in the direction you had been travelling. Your heart skipped a beat. That was not the long-drawn out interrogation you had expected. Apart from physically barring you from running away the encounter did not feel aggressive.

“Why are you helping me?” You asked. You wanted so badly to trust in him.

He twisted to address you, and as the moonlight hit his nose you caught his expression. It was the same confusion you had seen pass on King Hozier’s face many a time before.

“Do you truly not remember or know your old friend Faolan?” His voice was soft but his eyes pierced you with a fierce intensity. Rage was boiling under his skin, you could tell.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you called out, “I’m sorry, but no.”

He sighed and gave his head a shake or two.

“Okay. Well, can you trust my word bound in a handshake?”

You approached him to where his arm was outstretched to you. He was being sincere but your entire mind was shouting not to trust. Trust no one. Not even yourself.

“What are you promising – exactly?”

“What do you need from me – exactly?”

“A place to stay – to not be made to stay. And.. answers. If you have them.”

His gaze was serious when it met yours. He gave one sure nod, agreeing to the terms. You shook his hand in return and began to ride beside him in silence. You could feel his eyes on you from time to time, assessing you. It almost felt kind, like he was a true old friend. You tried not to think on that subject long because it made the lump return to your throat and tears prick your eyes.

“Are you alright, Mairead? I don’t know what’s going on but I hope I can help.”

That was enough to give the events of the day and the weight of betrayal and hurt permission to come out. Tears began streaming down your face and every so often a little hiccup and sob would wrack through your chest. Faolan didn’t say anything and you were grateful. The feelings needed to be felt, everything needed to come out and then you could be done with it. You could attempt to pick yourself up, to dust off the broken pieces and try to cram them back together like a puzzle. It seemed like an impossible task. What seemed more likely is that you’d drive yourself to madness and become part of the Autumn Court folklore. The summer princess who arrived under the cover of a full moon, who became a full loon.

You started laughing at your little rhyme. It started out as a giggle, but then giggling and being happy felt _so good_ it broke out into an all-out hysteric fit of laughter.

When you stopped and finally looked at Faolan, wiping your eyes, his expression was disturbed.

“Well, I’m glad to see your sense of humour hasn’t changed, still got your wits about you.”

“One of the two is true, that’s for sure.”

He grimaced at your reply and let out a long sigh. There was an awkward pause.

Happily, you chirped. “I’m actually at my wits _end_ Faolan – can you imagine?”


	14. questions I can't ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am obsessed with Bridgerton. That has no bearing on this chapter in any way, but it seemed important for you to know. Love y'all!!!!

You were either going crazy, or the ceiling was moving. It was a beautifully ornate ceiling with vines, leaves, grapes and fields weaving together to form beautiful scenes. They told stories that you couldn’t understand, that you’d never heard of. You had been lamenting over them. Your eyes had fixated on a little golden leaf and you swore it looked like it was gently blowing in a non-existent breeze. You hoped the paintings had been enchanted to move.

Upon waking in your room at Ferlach after a long and solid sleep, you couldn’t find the resolve to get out of bed and open the curtains. Golden rays of light peeked through the gaps still and illuminated the room in a low light. The gold, yellow and orange that adorned the room seemed aglow and alive. So far everything in the Autumn realm felt like one big golden hour. You longed to feel golden yourself, with that warm kind of calm filling your body – but you were just exhausted and desolate.

When you first escaped to the Autumn Realm you had felt a fire in your veins from the excitement of being on your own. You should rush to find Faolan and beg him to tell you everything he knew but you were sure that any outcome would not be pleasant. How you longed for the days when your biggest problem was a certain brooding yet handsome King.

Just thinking about him made your stomach twist in longing and in fear. You sighed and rolled over to inspect the mark on your arm. You petted at it with you finger, feeling the raised bumps that had scarred over. You felt a buzz, a thrum from deep within yourself calling out to the other mark. There was no reply.

The door flew open in a slam and you bolted upright. Faolan strolled in, hands in his pockets with a look of trepidation on his face.

“We-ell.. how are we?” He asked, plopping himself down in an empty chair.

You gave him a tight smile, not too pleased at the intrusion.

“Perfectly peachy, thank you.”

“Really? Because it seems like you’re having.. a little breakdown perhaps? Pity party?”

You drew the blankets around yourself tighter and pulled your knees into your chest. Your aching muscles screamed at you, reminding you of the hours of riding from the day before.

“Okay,” was your only response.

“If you clue me in on what’s going on, I might be able to provide some answers for you.” His suggestion felt like a warm blanket, so tentative, so unlike him.

The clock on the wall ticked and the fire crackled. The ambience sounded loud to you.

“Maybe I don’t want to know,” you responded quietly.

He sat up straighter in his chair, one arm leaning on his knee, his chin balanced in his palm.

“Now you’re scaring me,” he kept his tone light but you could tell the sentiment rang true.

You paused and took a deep breath in. He wasn’t going to leave you alone so you decided to start on an easier line of questioning. Something that would hurt, but not as much as other potential topics.

“You used to know me? I only recognize your face and name from what I learned in my lessons.”

You were sure his big ego wouldn’t be too pleased with that.

“We were friends.” He replied matter-of-factly.

“You’ve mentioned that already.” You sing-songed to him. You tried to play off that your memory loss hurt less than it did.

“Is this really what you want to know?”

“For now.” You said undecided.

“For now.” He deadpanned.

You picked at a thread on the blanket, not able to make eye contact. What you were going to ask for made you sounded weak.

“Yes. For the past week I have felt crazed. I know you hold the answers – maybe- and before they ruin my life anymore.. I would just like a teensy break.”

He ran his hands over his face before standing up.

“Alright, a break it is. Does this break need to occur in the confines of your room?”

Two hours later you were bundled up beside Faolan in a horse-drawn carriage. It was open to the elements and so he had draped a heavy brown tartan blanket over your laps that kept the coldness of the breeze out of your bones. It hadn’t taken much convincing on his part to get you to agree. As much as you wanted to mope, you were excited by the idea of exploring something new. Faolan had no reason to lie to you, in fact he wanted to answer all of your questions. The idea of spending time with him was pleasant and you wouldn’t have to focus so much of your energy on guarding your thoughts or words.

You were slightly annoyed that your outfits seemed to match. It felt weird. You were surprised to find in your wardrobe pants and thick sweaters in the absence of dresses and skirts. Faolan had selected an olive sweater that complimented your dark orange turtleneck perfectly. You couldn’t help but return his smile every time he pointed out important landmarks as you passed them. Vineyards, fields for growing, the different types of trees, groundspaces where important events were held – he told you about them all in great detail.

In the gentle rock of the carriage the breeze blew your loose hair around in a playful manner. You listened to the constant crunch of leaves under the wheels. With every exhale, you were beginning to relax. But every time one little word would pop into your head, _trust_ , you found yourself reining yourself back in. It had only been a day and even though everything with Faolan had been great so far, you were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I’ll be right back,” Faolan said as the carriage stopped beside an orchard.

You gave an absentminded nod, but immediately began to take in your surroundings. _He’s going to return with King Hozier_ , you thought. King Hozier, who was a killer. Who you so easily trusted but should have feared.

The dirt road was lined with trees on both sides, and there was nobody around for miles. On the side the carriage was pulled to the trees were lined in perfect rows. The other side was more clearly a forest and that would provide good coverage. The changing colours of the foliage would blend a bit better with your orange top than if you had been wearing anything else. You surmised that your chances for fleeing were good. Even better if you stole one of the two horses and rode off on it. You smirked to yourself and then flung the blanket off of your lap and jumped down to where the horses were commandeered to the carriage. After a minute of careful examination, you had figured out how to unhook one of them. Before your hand could reach for the first strap:

“What are you doing?”

You spun around to see Faolan, two mugs in each hand, giving you an annoyed look from across the other side of the carriage.

“I – umm..” you trailed off, eyes wide and full of fear.

“Gods Mairead, I went to get us some hot cider, not plot. I told you I am your friend. Will you get back in the carriage please?”

Feeling foolish, you mumbled an apology and then re-mounted into your seat, pulling the blanket back over your lap.

When he handed you your mug you said your thanks, but he did not respond.

Why were you running from the King anyway? Just this morning you were rubbing at the mark on your arm, _missing him_ of all things. You chalked it up to prolonged exposure at this point.

The excursion was noticeably quieter as you both sipped your drinks. Faolan had stopped pointing out landmarks you passed. You felt sorry that you had upset him but not sorry for your behaviour. If he had known what you endured, and what the inner workings of your mind looked like right now he would understand. It was probably true that you were mad, or well on your way to becoming it. You couldn’t immediately switch back to acting and being normal.

“I’m not going to apologize for my actions.. but I fear they have offended you and for that I am sorry.”

The side of his eye swept over you at your admission, and he discarded his finished mug.

“I wasn’t going to ask you to apologize, nor was I waiting for one.”

You nodded mutely.

“Mairead, can we please talk about everything? Why you’re here?”

“No,” you cut him off sternly. Lightening your tone you said, “Just not yet. Can we talk about you? Tell me about you – like you would to someone who knows nothing. It will distract me.”

You trailed off and looked at him, hopeful. You appreciated his candidness but you needed just a little bit more time. Just a little more breathing room before you were ready to face the unknown. His confusion evaporated into annoyance, but he complied.

“Okay,” he said on an exhale. “I am slightly more concerned now that you’ve said _that_ but I’ll play along. Where am I to start?”

“How long have you been King? How old are you?”

He chuckled.

“A long time. A lot longer than King Hozier. But I know I look good for my age,” he waggled his eyebrows at you.

“The boring historically-correct details, please.”

“Hurtful. I was half a century old when I ascended to head of the Autumn Court. This was years before the Battle of Fyrn, or any of that nasty business. I knew your Grandfather when he was on the throne.. and I attended your Father’s coronation. Does that answer your question?”

You mouth was open in complete shock. How could he look so young but be so old? Even your Father had tired lines around his violet eyes that hinted at his age.

He laughed at your reaction. “Don’t torture yourself dear, the Autumn Court has secrets you will never know. And don’t feel bad if you had been feeling an inkling of attraction up until this moment.”

You snorted your response but couldn’t hide the small smile on your face.

“Are you married?” You blurted out, but immediately cursed yourself once you had.

He tilted his head back and gave a loud laugh.

“Not currently, but I have been. Many a time. I could be convinced again if you ask nicely enough,” He said with a grin.

You were confused. You’d never heard of multiple marriages.. had they been at the same time? Or perhaps he was so old that he kept remarrying once they died..

“Where do you keep them all then?” You retorted. This earned you another laugh.

“Marriage doesn’t exist here like you are used to. We have partners. We decide for how long.. it’s not a indefinite thing. One day I might wake up, or my partner would wake up and decide it’s time to move on. And so we would.” He gave a small shrug and looked out the side of the carriage and you sensed that it perhaps was not as always easy as he led on.

“We do not fear change like the other realms. The very nature of us, of Autumn, is change.”

You nodded, accepting his words and the peace they brought. What an interesting concept, though you were sure you could never adjust to such a way of life.

You rolled up the sleeve of your sweater, all the way up.

“So.. you’ve never been marked like this?” You asked, showing the bite mark on your arm.

He didn’t seem surprised when you showed him, just slowly shook his head.

“No, not like that.” His eyes and words had turned soft and kind, and when he looked at you, you sensed he was waiting for permission. He was imploring you to continue this conversation, to let him pass on whatever he needed to.

You nodded and broke eye contact, rolling your sleeve back down.

“Right, so every court has different operating rules. How naïve of me to assume otherwise..”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself Mairead. You were raised to only be concerned with your own. It has its downfalls, but it does allow the Summer Realm to take excellent care of its people.”

You turned to him and smiled, a genuine smile.

“That’s a nice point of view, and I don’t really agree with you, but thanks for saying it anyways.”

He looked startled by your comment, as agreeable as you had tried to make it sound.

“You don’t think the Summer Realm takes care of its people?” He tried slowly. He was being cautious. He knew the reputation your court had, clearly. Proud. Insanely so.

“I can’t be sure of anything these days, Faolan. Or have you been willfully ignorant to the fact that part of my mind may have disappeared?”

He chuckled.

“Well, you’re right that every court has different rules at least.. for marriage.. and for ascending to the throne, for example.”

Your body tensed, and you wanted to stop him. To tell him to shut up or you’d jump out of the carriage and take out into the woods. There you could live as wild and unhinged as you felt.

“Summer operates based on a lineage. You must be born into royalty. My court, operates based on an elected democracy. The spring court has no formal rules, just a council of decision makers. And the winter realm.. is special in the worst way. It’s a system borne out of necessity, time and hardship. One that no court admires..”

He stopped, again asking for permission. You were annoyed and irritated. As if anything he could say would change what had happened.

“Just spit it out Faolan, I already know the worst of their royal politics and workings.”

“That tone tells me yes, you might. Well, in the Winter Court to ascend to the throne you must challenge, and kill, the reigning King.”

“What?” You replied stonily.

“It’s a terrible thing to imagine, being coroneted as King with royal blood on your hands. They say it is to remind every ruler of the price of a life, and the weight of war and loss. Clearly that message was lost on King Grior.”

The familiar heat of embarrassment bloomed from your chest. You thought back on your last encounter with the King and felt ridiculous. Everyone must had known? Again rage boiled at the idea that nobody bothered to correct you. But you wouldn’t have believed them even if they had tried to explain. You didn’t really believe Faolan right now either. This could all be a nicely constructed narrative given to Faolan to sway you to go back to the King. He was still rambling on.

“He was just the current ruler, and maybe not the greatest one at that. The casualties from the war he started were immense. Everyone knew that Hozier was much more of a pacifist. I often reflect on how a man of his type, of his nature could do what he had to do. But he saw first hand the suffering….”

You hadn’t said anything, for a long while. You were fixated on the lake you were passing, trying to catalogue in your mind the colours as a way to ground your spirit. Eventually Faolan caught on and stopped talking.

“Why are you so pale? It’s not like you to be silent.”

Your hand went to your throat, trying to massage the tremor out of your voice.

“I knew of the circumstances around King Grior’s death.. but not the traditions of the Winter Realm so..”

“Oh gods, Mairead.. Did you think he.. just murdered the King? And took over?”

You tried to swallow though your throat was dry as a bone.

“Actually, yesterday I thought he had murdered his father. Today I just thought, maybe he’d staged a coup d’etat. Now I’m just in shock.”

You couldn’t speak as a hundred emotions were bubbling up under your skin and demanding to be felt. Your head couldn’t keep up with it and your thoughts spun like a carousel. You were relieved, confused, and angry all at the same time. The only tiny consolation you could provide yourself was that your gut feeling had been right. You didn’t ever really believe he was capable of such crimes, and he wasn’t. His transgression at least had a reason.

You rubbed your hands at your temples, and when the throbbing in your head would not cease, you merely laid your head into Faolans lap to take a rest. His shock was evident at first, but then he began to run his fingers throughout your hair and massage your head in a very calming manner.

You sighed and tried to focus on the countryside and what you saw racing past. It was like a swirling storm of colour. The blur of tree’s bark. Open fields of golden grass. Changing leaves in every shade imaginable. But every time you saw red your head spun.

“I have no idea what’s going on,” Faolan murmured quietly.

You felt guilty for bringing Faolan down into your ‘pity party’ as he so aptly described it. But the buzz of uncertainty in your chest could not be ignored. Even amongst all this beauty, you could not enjoy due to the persistent scream of worry in your brain. You couldn’t relax. The death of your ignorance deserved proper remorse before you could make an informed decision and sort through the mess.

You couldn’t discern if whatever altered your memory had indeed started all this conflict, or if it had been do so to possibly spare you from it.


	15. a drunken sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry I've taken forever to update. quarantine has just been hitting hard. I hope you're all very well! thx for reading :)

Sleep resisted you like an errant dog on the leash. Your mind always drifted to the King, who you thought you’d understood but now realized you misunderstood. You were warm with shame, guilt and childish naivety. It was an unexplainable heat. It kept your brain awake, it took all your energy to think about it and when the time came to lay your head on the pillow and seek refuge in sleep, it would never come.

So you were wide awake in the middle of the night once again. You kept trying to find a cool spot in the silk sheets, but your pajamas were also made of silk and you’d fallen out of the bed twice now. Finally, resolving that you were too warm, too hot and sleep was not going to come, you exited your bed. Upon trying the bedroom door you were surprised to find it was not locked. 

From the floors to the ceilings, all of Ferlach was wood. Wood of all kinds and colours, intricately carved and painted gold in some places. On the walls where the wood stopped it was met by cream plaster. You were surprised to find that their royal residence was less of a palace and more of a grand house. The layout was easy to navigate and didn’t take long to learn. For whatever reason it seemed like they didn’t host royal receptions or visitors often as even the staff was a small team. It felt grossly intimate.

When you slipped out the back door you weren’t sure where you were going, but the rusting of the vines in the vineyard seemed to call to you. It was a warm night. There had been a warm spell the past couple of days and if you closed your eyes the gentle caress of the warm breeze was a kiss from home.

In your mind you could see the crocuses in full bloom, sprays of white and lavender decorating the countryside where you spent long summer days by the lake. The lilacs were always growing dense there and the air was warm and heavy, carrying their perfumed smell. You thought of the days when your skin buzzed with energy from the sun and the hum of insects followed you wherever you went. Lying in vibrant green grass with your cousins and extended family, exchanging snide remarks and trying to make each other laugh. Hearing the screams and splashes from the lake that mimicked the calls and squabbles of the birds.

But when you opened your eyes there was only a half moon illuminating the fields in a quiet stillness. Your long exhale was lost to the wind. You meandered out among the vines. The grapes were not in their infancy but not yet ripe enough. You popped them off here and there testing their taste and wincing at the sour ones. Eventually you stumbled upon a building in the middle of a patch of vines. You thought it might be some kind of shed or storage area, but it had a little porch out front and you sat yourself down.

Out in the moonlight you felt a calm come over your body and the tiredness you’d been longing for. You leaned back on the porch and breathed in and out. It was as if your heartbeat was in tune with the ground beneath you. For the first time in many days you’d felt peace - if granted to you only for a moment before you heard your name quietly called. You bolted upright, warm again and your heart was beating at an uncontrollable rate. You saw Faolan coming down one of the rows of vines.

“Mairead, what are you doing out here?” He whispered, but you didn’t know why. You were the only two out here

“I don’t know,” came your reply as your moved your hands to rub soothing circles at your temple.

He gave a sigh. “It’s never a good sign to find someone wandering in the fields in the dead of night.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Stop it. I’m fine, I just needed a breather.”

He sat beside you on the porch. “It is a nice night to be out here, I will admit.”

You hummed in response. “Something about the vines was just calling to me tonight. Just trying to provide enough material for the folklore they’ll write about me one day,” you said, trying to find a joke among it all.

He looked to you. “I don’t think you’re crazy.”

You had no reply. You weren’t going to thank him for the platitude. He tried for a different conversation angle.

“These vines are almost ready, soon they will be created into our greatest non-export, wine.”

You looked at him, “I’ve had wine before.”

He gave you a stern look back. “Not authentic autumn realm, I guarantee.”

“Why?”

“We do not export it. It is the one thing we do, just for us.”

“Oh enough, what is the big issue with exporting? You’re the only realm who can make wine. I’ve had wine – it must have come from here.”

“Spring plants the seeds,” he started out, annunciating his syllables slower than was necessary. It was a familiar saying, not a rhyme but a mantra throughout all the lands. A reluctant agreement that all of the realms were indeed connected, whether they liked it or not.

“Yes,” you replied. You’d heard all this since you were a girl.

“Summer helps it grow,”

“Ye-es, and you harvest,” you finished for him.

“Exactly,” he replied. “These vines here are the one thing we grow ourselves – on our own. They were planted once, many, many eons ago when the great ancestors lived among us. We never needed to replant. They grow on their own and every fall we reap their benefits. It is a small joy and our one small pride. We share it with no one – we don’t have to.”

He smiled. He spoke with such honour and you remembered a time when you used to speak to the guests at Fallow like that. Educating them about the rose bushes and the lilies.

“What a comforting tradition. Do your guests ever dine on this wine?”

His smile grew, “Yes they do. They are all enamored I assure you.”

You smiled back.

“Would you like to try some? “He asked.

You batted your eyelashes playfully. “Not try - I think that I would like to get incredibly drunk on what I am told is the best wine I’ll ever taste.”

He laughed. “I’ll take you down to the cellars then. Let you have your pick.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The solid oak table in the kitchen was littered with bottles and wineglasses and sticky with accidental spilling. Most of the light was coming in from the two-paned windows, and the rest from tiny votives with candles. Despite the hushed and serene ambience your voices couldn’t have been louder or more boisterous if you tried. Bottles deep into your drunkenness you felt light, happy and on top of the world. Faolan was making you giggle and laugh at his impressions of certain noble fae whom you both knew. You were making him snort with glee as you incorrectly recalled for him important moments of history.

“There’s no way it all started over some guy falling down a well,”

You chuckled at your own cleverness, you were so funny.

“Yup. I’m super positive. That’s why you lower the first harvest down into the well –” You broke off laughing and started hiccupping again.

“Well, as it is a shared holiday between our two Kingdoms, I’ll agree to disagree.”

“Okey dokey,” you hummed, wiping a tear from your eye.

“You know.. it was at one of the first Lughnasa festivities that I met King Hozier,” he attempted to bridge the subject again.

“No don’t, I’ll miss him too much.” You protested the mere mention of him, flailing your hands in his direction. You were feeling good and had forgotten and you didn’t want to feel the feeling again.

“I’m sorry, that was careless.”

He was too articulate for your level of debauchery.

“How are you not like me?”

“Well for starters I lack some very perky chest ornaments you seem to possess.”

You barked a laugh.

“No, not like that. Have you been sneaky not drinky?”

He caught on to your line of questioning.

“I’ve had many years before you dear to perfect my tolerance.”

You hummed in annoyance as you brought the wineglass full of a Riesling? Chardonnay? Up for your inspection.

“Trickery of the wine.”

He scoffed, “Absolutely not, autumn wine is fantastic. You should know, you’ve tasted all of it by now.”

You smiled and a comfortable silence filled the room. You so enjoyed Faolan’s company, and not just when you were incredibly wasted. He was light and kind, and took his time with you and went at your pace. But still, now that he had brought up his name the thought was back and nagging in your brain. You resolved to ask, because you were sure you would not recall much clearly in the morning.

“Why are you friends? Where did this start?”

He knew immediately who you were asking about.

“We’ve been friends for so many years. Obviously we are so closely linked because I am autumn and he is winter. Outside of the fact that we are bounded by nature, he is a great man. I know a lot of the courts don’t understand him or the ways of the winter realm-”

“He quite literally contradicts everything I know, everything I was taught -”

“Which is why everyone was so surprised you made such a perfect match.”

“No no. Don’t. Please.” You clamped your hands over your ears.

“I need to tell you,” he sounded strained.

“No!”

“You’re so drunk, you won’t remember.”

“I’m so drunk, it may tip me over the edge.”

“Mairead, I don’t even know if I have the answers you are looking for. So let me just try to tell you what I know and you can maybe fill in the gaps for yourself. And let me confirm for you what you already seem to know – there are definitely gaps in your memory.”

You didn’t protest again. He was right, and you were drunk, and you wanted to know the answers even if they would hurt you. You let out a long sigh.

“When was the first time you and I met?”

“You’re trying to change the subject!”

“No I’m not, shush listen okay. Tell me that.. and then tell me if you ever met me when I was with him.”

He smiled into his drink. “Trying for a comparison, are we?”

You burped in response, and slapped your hand over your mouth in embarrassment.

A high giggle escaped him.

“Very well then. It won’t surprise you to hear that I remember the day your birth was announced, and I saw you running around Fallow many times when you were young. The first time you and I spoke however, was when you were nearing adolescent. You were in the garden and were attempting to give life to a withering dahlia flower in the garden. I asked you if you needed help and you smiled and told me there was nothing you couldn’t learn – but you had already mastered this and didn’t need my help. You made me laugh even then.”

He smiled at you, the memory well and alive in his eyes, bringing him joy even now. You gave him a shy smile.

“I watched you grow into a fiery and charming young woman. Those who knew you only from the courts thought you were darling and very well mannered. And it’s true you’ve always known how to be.. but you were a force to be reckoned with and you didn’t always choose to bit your tongue.”

Faolan went on with all the memories and observations he’d carried from over the years but you only felt a sinking weight in your stomach. You didn’t feel at all like the girl he mentioned, the one he knew. She seemed smart, and wordly and capable. He spoke of her – you – so highly.

You cut him off. “Manyest of thanks. As to my second question?”

He chuckled. “I must confess, the first time would have been on your wedding day.”

“Oh ancestors take me back!” You exclaimed standing up, sloshing your wine all over the place.

“I’m kidding!” Faolan cried at the same time you screamed, “So I was kidnapped!”

“Wait what? No Mairead I.. I mean hold that thought but, no I had met you two while courting.”

You sat back down, and sipped at your wine sulkily.

“You showed up at my doorstep one day, as you had many a time before for escapes and holidays, but this time with King Hozier in toe. You said to me, ‘you know they’d never approve!’ by way of explanation and then sauntered in. I hosted the two of you a few times, when you wanted to see each other with nobody the wiser.”

You let his words sink in.

“And I was.. did I seem?..”

“Happy. So was he. I never suspected anything bad, or kidnapping as you’ve apparently come to believe. And I was one of the few people there on your wedding day too.”

“Let me guess, my parents refused the invitation?”

“Not just them, Damhnait too. Not a single summer court fae attended. It was a very clear social exile.”

A memory stirred in your drunk brain. Didn’t you have a similar conversation with the King? He said.. he didn’t mind being socially outcast for you. Was that because you had already done it for him?

“Was the ceremony at Deigh?”

“Yes. A winter wedding. I teased you about it endlessly,” he said, with a smile on his face again.

You upturned your nose to him and gave a huff.

“I’m sure the Snowdrops in my bouquet looked lovely.”

He stared at you and you wondered how he could be so still when you felt so spiny.

“Yes. The snowdrops in your bouquet were breathtaking. And when I caught the bouquet, you teased me about taking another victim. Or have you remembered that too?”

His line of questioning sobered you up, very quickly.

“I told you I don’t remember anything.”

“Actually, no you haven’t. You’ve been very busy in your pity party.”

“Shut up. I deserve time to grieve, I was literally kidnapped.”

“What are you _on_ about?”

“I am about to tell you, and you need to pay close attention because half of this is going to be very slurred.”

You launched into the entire events of the weeks passed – starting with the fact that you could not recall a single thing he had told you. At first he was defensive, arguing that you remembered, but eventually as your story went on he too became confused. And then angry, and confused. It was so good to have someone affirm your feelings and to know you weren’t alone in feeling crazy. When you finished, Faolan chugged the remainder of his bottle before speaking.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

There was a question knocking at the door of your compromised brain. Something you’d been wondering ever since he met you in the dark forest that night.

“Why did you think I had come here?”

“Well, the last the courts knew of you and Hozier was that months ago you had returned to Fallow. Everyone assumed you had left him and regretted the union.. Then news came that you had returned to Deigh, so I assumed you were working things out. Truthfully I thought you were here because you had run away again but..”

“Run away?” The words made your heart skip a beat and your breathing speed up. It implied the ugly, the thing you were not sure of.

“Sorry, I meant ran away from your marriage. But when Hozier sent me word, he mentioned you would might not know me. I thought.. maybe you were mad at me. Maybe this was a game.”

The tone of his voice made you concede. You had enough on your mind as it was.

“How dramatic of me to conjure up this entire ordeal. How dare you even think it first of all. Secondly, I think everyone is lying,” you said point blank.

“I understand and would have to agree. Do you think I am lying?”

“About something, I am sure. But for the most part I think you are being truthful.”

“I promise, I am not deceiving you. I know you don’t remember, but I care for you a great deal.”

“So why can’t I remember?”

He looked up at you, the sadness in his eyes betraying his answer before he could speak.

“I don’t know.”

The sadness was starting to sink in again. For a while, the libations had lifted your spirit – the happy seemed happier and you were prone to feel good. But you could only avoid your problems for so long.

As if he could sense your change in mood, Faolan stood from the table and offered you his outstretched hand. With a single word, he escorted you up the stairs.


	16. alone with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi. I'm very excited for you to read this chapter. It was super fun to write and I definitely felt like this was where I hit my stride and where/when I realized the plot progression.
> 
> We are going to get a new point of view ! I hope it's clear to you when that happens. Hope you like!

Confiding in Faolan had lifted some great weight off of your shoulder. You didn’t realize the toll operating solo had taken on you. You were grateful he allowed you to unload the burden. You felt very solemn at Ferlach, and that was due in part to the fact that the whole estate was barren of people. Apart from the odd house servant here or there, you rarely saw anyone else. In comparison, Deigh seemed like a buzzing hive compared to this.

Today Faolan had taken you with him to pick out gourds for the upcoming bonfire.

“Why is it that Ferlach is so quiet?” You called out to him as he inspected a long squash.

“Because it’s nicer that way,” came his quick reply.

“Are we not standing on the royal grounds of the Autumn Court? Why isn't Ferlach in a capital city? Why is there nobody else around?”

He nodded at the squash before snipping it from the vine. Heaving, he carried it over to where you were standing by the wheelbarrow full of other gourds.

“Who do you think should be at Ferlach?”

“Royal advisors, chief of staff.. guests?” You supplied.

“The estate in whole is a winery. The house was occupied by the family who operated it. They made the famous wine you enjoy so much for many centuries. When circumstances left the house and estate without an owner.. I took over.”

You nodded, that made sense and was half the answer.

“Your people don’t mind your being in solitude? Never seeing their King?”

“I take care of them Mairead. They want for nothing. We are not in war or hostile political situations with other realms. It’s why I have been on the throne for as long as I have. I should think my presence would only be indicative of bad news to my people.”

You could feel your brow furrow at Faolan’s perspective. It wasn’t wrong, it was just so.. subservient? In his eyes, he served and cared for his people. Not the other way around.

“I suppose that makes sense, what with you being an elected monarchy as you say?”

He chuckled. “It would be more appropriate for you to call it a government.”

“Ahhh, government,” you said nodding your head in fake approval, crossing your arms behind your back and walking beside him as he pushed the wheelbarrow back towards the house. Your long skirts quietly swished and sighed in the late autumn breeze.

“So will this, _government_ , be in attendance at the bonfire you mentioned?”

“Absolutely. Apart from helping me run certain things here and there, they are also my closest friends.”

You nodded bleakly, preparing yourself to ask the question you dreaded.

“Do they know me? Had I.. met them before?” Your voice betrayed your discomfort at the idea of meeting people who knew you from something you couldn’t recall.

At that he laughed openly. “As if you were ever interested in the inner workings of my court. No dear, you mainly showed up when shit had hit the fan, so to speak.”

He gave you a large smile that told you he hadn’t minded at all. You smiled but couldn’t meet his eyes. He was so supportive - you imagined he had always been like this, and that was why you would come to him in tough situations.

You continued down the worn path in the field toward the house. You savoured the image of the intertwined maple, oak and hickory trees that painted the bleak field in burning colours. At every soft breeze a new fleet of leaves would make their journey to the ground, floating and drifting in harmonious acceptance of their fate. The wind’s soft whisper prevented the silence slowly encroaching over all the land from truly taking root. You wished for a moment to live in this moment, in this lullaby forever.

“When the bonfire’s over.. what are you going to do?” Faolan interrupted your daydream and turning your head you acknowledged you were at the back entrance of the house. You began to help him unload.

“I don’t know. I’ve been saying that for so long and I’m sick of it.” You kicked the wheelbarrow disheartened.

“You could stay here forever you know. I wouldn’t mind a bit.” He gave your shoulder a gentle pat and squeeze. Your chest warmed at the feeling but you laughed at his idea, instead throwing a rather heavy gourd in his direction.

“I’ll take that as a no. Alright, what is your heart telling you that you want?”

A freckled face with warm eyes and a sweet smile flashed into your brain,

“Him. He feels like a person I have known and loved forever. Being with him was so easy.. but I need to understand his methods. Why did he take me? He said it was because I asked him to.. but if that’s true-”

Your pulled at your hair in frustration. Nothing added up or made sense.

“Easy now. We’ll figure this out – together. There’s no rush. In better news, I brought three new bottles up for dinner tonight.”

~

The first night the dreams came, you blamed it on your recent increase in alcohol consumption. The next morning over breakfast you’d question Faolan extensively if his wine had hallucinogenic qualities. He would deny and deny. The more you examined everything in your mind it seemed less like a dream than it did a flashback. You couldn’t block it out either. Your brain replayed and replayed, forcing you to relive something you couldn’t remember experiencing the first time.

The start was the same. You could hear the crunch of snow under sheepskin boots. The moon was full in the night’s sky and lit up the snow. Everything was dark and bright at the same time. The smell of wood and fire lingered in the air and tickled your frozen nose. You felt tranquil, revelling in the silence and the darkness.

It confused you, this feeling of being totally at peace. You were the girl of summer, of warmth and light. And yet in this memory nothing could feel more natural to you than the dark cold.

In the vision you were walking down a snow trodden trail, with tall pine trees looming overhead. You assumed you were alone, but then came a laugh that was terrifyingly familiar. You knew he was beside you, and thinking that this was all a dream the first time, you allowed yourself to sink into the comfort of it. The stroll continued, and languid conversation went back and forth with ease. You couldn’t hear the words specifically, but even in your foggy brain you could remember what you’d talked about.

And then as it finished the first time, you jolted awake - immediately understanding that what you had seen had not been a dream, but a memory. You gripped the bedsheets in terror at first, then hope. You had no idea what had happened.

__________________________________________________________________________________

**King’s POV:**

The entire staff, members of council and friends had been trying to lift his spirits ever since he returned home without you. Mrs. Girea was the first to greet him, pacing quickly outside of the gates when she saw him. The look on his face told her everything she needed to know and she immediately assumed control of the situation. Damhnait’s groom had been charming the guests as promised, and by the time Mrs. Girea got there he was already preparing the summer court for their return home. She goodbye’d everyone as head of staff on behalf of the King – smiling her best through the obvious air of confusion in the room - and then immediately set out to inform everyone who needed to know.

Doyle had done his part making sure the doctor saw to the King immediately. Once the doctor left his bedroom, the King demanded that nobody enter. He did not emerge for an entire day. The meals left outside the door were not touched. Twice Mrs. Girea gingerly knocked on the door, and tried to provide words of comfort through the thick wooden frame.

By the time the King had decided to leave his bedroom, his family had arrived in the dark light of the morning. His siblings were the first to ambush him into a group hug, quickly speaking over each other in increasingly hushed tones. Next his Father, with tears in his eyes, gathered him into his arms. They embraced for a moment, not speaking anything that they couldn’t convey through touch.

His Mother’s lips were pressed into a hard line.

“She’s gone again?” Was her only response.

The King hated the accusation in her tone, but given the circumstances could do nothing to defend you.

“Yes.” He replied sharply.

She exhaled shaking her head and smoothing out her skirts, finally approaching him for a long embrace.

“I won’t divulge my opinion because it won’t help none. I’m sorry you’re hurting again m’love.”

He let out a long sigh in reply, then stepped back to address everyone.

“Not that I’m anything less than ecstatic that you are here, but erm, why are you here?”

Later that night the King was surrounded at his table by friends, family and his staff. Everyone was trying not to make it obvious just how much they were analyzing his every move. He could feel the tension thick in the air. He understood, as nobody was sure how a person would react in this situation. They’d all been pleasantly dancing around it, but that had never been his forte, really. He rarely had the time for pleasantries, and would prefer to crash head-first into things.

He kneaded the palms of his hands into his tired eyes.

“Alright, you’ve all been more than patient as of late. I know you have questions, let’s get it over with.”

Conversation stalled and the low murmur died down. Glances were exchanged through darting eyes as the guests at the table unspokenly decided who would speak first.

It was his sister. “Considering I did not even know Mairead had returned, how about you start there? I’ve heard nasty rumours..”

“They are true.” He answered immediately, leveling her with her eyes.

“You took her while she was in Summer?”

“Yes.” He replied again, nodding his head confidently. He didn’t seem remorseful at all. He was tired of apologizing – mostly to you. And he was also tired of walking on eggshells. They hadn’t served him at all or been helpful in the end. You were still gone.

His sister gazed around the table looking lost, begging for someone to make sense of this behaviour. Growing angered, she tightened the napkin between her hands.

“And why, would you do that?” She said through almost clenched teeth.

The King sighed, exasperated and looked around for someone else to finish the conversation.

“Right, here we are again. Yes, I know it sounds insane –“

“What it sounds like is that you were attempting to instigate _war-_ ”

“Oh for crying out loud Aine-”

“Miss Aine!” Mrs. Girea finally interjected on the King’s behalf.

His sister faced her brother’s head of staff with an icy glare. Aine loved her brother just as much as everyone at the table, but would not be so easily blindsided by his reckless behaviour.

“When Lady Mairead arrived, albeit not on her own terms, she was clearly unwell.”

“And?” Aine replied, arching her brow and crossing her arm.

“She had no idea who I was. She had no idea she had been to Deigh before. She walked from room to room like she was seeing it for the first time. She.. was confused about a great deal.”

“Confused?!” His sister shouted, rising from her seat. The brothers flanking her immediately rose and pulled her down to seated.

“That can’t be true..” his Mother mused. “Was she lying? What game – how would she gain by pretending not to know?”

“She was not pretending,” The King replied, clearly devastated. He looked around the table, the desolateness in his eyes convincing them of the truth. The table was silenced and the members of staff and council nodded their heads gravely.

There was a stillness for only a moment more before everyone launched into theories, into their own opinions, into what they thought should be done. The noise was a comfort for once, drowning out the thoughts shouting in his own mind. He tilted his head back and brought the amber liquid to his lips. He needed to escape for a moment and the drink would help. He would get through the next few days, and whatever was to come afterwards, but for right now he couldn’t be here.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember something happier. His mind automatically flipped to you. Ignoring the initial sting, he thought back to a solstice from the past – solstices being on his brain lately. The day had started perfect enough with a generous snowfall. Though you both were nervous it couldn’t have gone better, with attendees marveling at the tasteful blend of traditional relics with your specific stylistic preferences. When the last guest had drifted off to bed with thanks upon their lips, you and he donned cloaks and headed out for a moonlit stroll.

He felt the smile on his lips now as he remembered the cool chill of night caressing his face, your cheekbones alight in the glow of the moon. Everything seemed so bright against the dark night. He drank up this memory and the feeling of stillness, of peace.

In his head he heard the echoed version of your voice, singing the song that everybody had butchered while drunk in the evening. He had made a face of disapproval as they had attempted to remember the words, and you had obviously caught the look. His heart swelled at how attentive you always were, and he heard himself laugh in the dream at your regurgitated rendition of the song.

The images in his head danced behind his eyelids as his own secret sanctuary. He’d forgotten all about being questioned earlier. He now remembered why he had been doing this. For you, and him, and what you became when you were together that was bigger than the both of you.

Ragged breathing pierced through his eardrums, interrupting his reflection. The King tore his head left and right to see who had materialized beside him. Nobody had moved, or even noticed his sudden movements. He could still hear the laboured breathing in his ears - albeit it had calmed a bit. He recognized the long shuddered sighs that came through whatever connection this was. His heart stalled and then began thumping at a rapid pace in response.

He knew you had seen something, had recognized his thoughts or heard him. Hope bloomed where it had been trampled in his mind. For all he had been trying and failing to get through to you, finally something had worked.


End file.
